I'm Not Cold; Just Scared

~~\(T_T) Chapter 43 (T_T)/~~ <Out of the ordinary>

"Daehwi?" He spoke up after a while.

"Hmm?"

"Um...if you don't mind me asking...when did you start using contacts? And why?" He couldn't help but wonder why the younger had changed his eye color.

Daehwi blushed. "It's...well, it's because I-I-"

"No it's okay, you don't have to tell me" Jinyoung said hastily; after everything that had happened between them he didn't want to make things worse in anyway. 

Daehwi smiled a little. "You haven't changed at all, still a worrywart, aren't you? Anyways the reason I changed my eye color is actually pretty stupid...and possibly embarrassing"

"Huh? Why?"

"I...just changed it because I wanted to forget about you. Y'know....you used to talk about how pretty my eyes were and at some point, I was missing you so much I just wanted to forget about you. But...it didn't work."

Jinyoung stared at the boy, feeling emotions well up inside him. Why hadn't he come back sooner? Then Daehwi would've only had to suffer for a few months, right? No matter how much Daehwi tried to convince him, telling him that it wasn't his fault, he felt like it all really was because of him.

That's why he wanted to take full responsibility for what had happened and bear the consequences. 

"How was the past year for you, Daehwi? How were the others taking it?" he asked suddenly.

"I mean...it was hard, I'm not gonna lie to you, hyung. But then again, if you look at it in a way, if all this hadn't happened then Hyungseob hyung and Woojin hyung probably wouldn't be dating now. Oh yeah, and also Somi and Samuel."

At Daehwi's words, Jinyoung turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Huh? They're dating?"

Daehwi nodded. "Yep."

"How? When? God...I feel like I've missed everything important!" the older shrieked.

"Well..." Daehwi trailed off, not knowing if he should tell Jinyoung about the day he had been bullied. But then again, if he had met Seonho, the boy had probably told him, right? "Two days after you left, I decided to go back to school and-"

"You were bullied weren't you? Seonho told me" Jinyoung cut him off, feeling the guilt rise again.

The boy nodded. "Yeah...and then they were asking if anyone else was gay, like me. Hyungseob hyung looked like he wanted to say it but was too scared but then...surprisingly, Woojin hyung grabbed him and kissed him in front of the entire class"

Jinyoung felt as if eyes would fall out of his sockets. Such an important event happened in his best friend's life and he wasn't there to see it. He could see now the mistake he had made by leaving in the first place, but what happened couldn't be changed, right?

That's why he was going to meet the hyungs, even though he knew their reactions wouldn't be A-Okay.

To apologize for what he had caused.

About half an hour later, they were nearing the neighbourhood in which they had once lived together. Jinyoung felt stirrings of his old anxiety returning to him.

Daehwi looked at the boy, slightly worried for him. Jinyoung looked as if he had already been through a lot of shit and he didn't want the hyungs to start bashing him as well. He hesitated for a while before brushing his fingers against the older's hand, making him startled.

"Are you....sure you want to do this, hyung? I don't want to lie and tell you it's all going to be okay when even I don't know what will happen. Are you sure you want to meet them now?" he asked.