I'm Not Cold; Just Scared

(^_^') Chapter 15 (^_^')

It will get better from now on, I PROMISE!!!!

"So when are you gonna confess to Daehwi you idiot?"

"Samuel for the last time... you know what will happen if my mother finds out I'm gay. Look, I admit, I really like Daehwi, it's just that-" Jinyoung broke off, gripping his hair in frustration.

He really did like Daehwi a lot. The younger was so caring, and still funny. He loves when Daehwi looks up at him and talks to him. He loves how smooth the younger's hair is, how he practically helps anyone in need and all that.

But facing reality, he knew what his mom would say to him dating a guy. Heck, knowing her, there was a high chance she would disown him. And Jinyoung was too frightened to take a risk. What if Daehwi was a one time thing? Would he get his mother back? Or would he be left alone without anyone? It was like choosing to stay on the cliff or falling off the cliff. 

He really didn't know what to do.

Samuel sighed and walked up to Jinyoung. "I'm not gonna force you to do anything, but don't you think it's your life? Look at you, you're always so unhappy. Don't you want to be happy?"

With those words Samuel kept staring at Jinyoung as if he wanted an answer, leaving Jinyoung's mind full of questions. He sighed to himself. "Why is life so hard?" he muttered.

He really did want to date the younger, but he didn't know what would happen afterwards. What would happen if someone from school found out? He would be hated on, that's for sure. And what would happen to Daehwi? Jinyoung knew how bad the younger had been bullied in the past...and now, Daehwi was popular. He would lose everything. As much as Jinyoung liked the younger, would it be worth it? From a distance, it could be viewed as a huge sacrifice made for a possible few months of happiness.

If anyone found out, their current peaceful lives would be ruined. 

Did Jinyoung want that?

But if he kept his secret hidden, there was a high chance they might stay friends, but Jinyoung would be unhappy that he kept it in without telling the younger. 

He sighed, looking up at Samuel. "I want to confess, but is it worth it? I mean, we have to face reality, right? We probably won't be together forever. Someone is going to find out, and then... we'll all get hurt. As much as I want to date him, I don't want to be hurt in the future."

"I understand what you're saying..." Samuel began, "but try to look at it this way hyung...yes, maybe you will be hurt later in the future, but wouldn't you be happy in the present? Let's say for instance, you and Daehwi go out on a date. Wouldn't you be happy then?"

Jinyoung nodded slowly. "Yes, I would be, but-"

Samuel cut him off. "exactly! You would be happy. If you keep thinking about the future, you'll never be that happy. Yes, I know this is very cliché, but you have to live in the present. Stop thinking about what could have happened and what might happen, just focus on what's happening. The present is literally the best present God can give you. Do you really want to forget about your gift while thinking about a gift you might receive or a gift you had received?"