Her (Being Rewritten)

36

**Lacey's POV**

It was a moment of weakness. I had no intention of answering but I had been listening to her voicemail on repeat for the past week just so I could her here talk. No matter the fact that she was mainly screaming at me throughout the whole thing. Nonetheless it was still good to hear her. Answering her call was a bad idea, I knew I would hear the pain in her voice, I knew I would hear the anger, but I didn't care. I just needed a release from the constant pain the enveloped me. I just didn't expect it to hit me this hard. Hearing her stumble over words and holding back her tears. It broke my heart. I couldn't help but cry silently along with her. 

"Baby..." Her voice shaky, "Please come home,"

I could still hear her words clear as day as they replayed over and over in my head. Hanging up on her was probably the stupidest thing I could have done in that moment but I could anything in anymore. I could fight off the tears any longer. I had hit end quickly after she spoke those words. I felt like asshole but even though she knew I was listening I couldn't bring myself to speak. Who knows what I would've said. Hell, I know exactly what I would have said if I didn't end the call. I would've told her exactly what I wrote to her. That I loved her with my entire being, and that being away from her was the hardest thing I ever had to face. I would have told her that I missed her, and that I needed her touch. I would've given her the perfect opportunity to coax me back home. But I wasn't ready yet.

Skylar had helped me tremendously when she came to town, she had told me everything I had been needing to know since I felt myself losing control. She explained to me why Klaus used me as a pawn. She explained to me how to feed correctly without causing harm, I still had to handle self control but she had taught me a few tricks with how drink from the vein and not have any excess blood leave the body so it wouldn't lure me back in for me. I had made some progress. I had fed twice since and I was able to leave the person alive. It was difficult but it was manageable. It would take a lot of discipline but Skylar told me it takes time and try to not be so hard on myself.

One thing she had said was the even though I had killed before, I wasn't overboard like some new vampires are. She told me she's seen newbies almost wipe out a town in two days. So for her to have to sit and explain to me the ropes was almost ridiculous to her. But once I explained my emotional shit show she had finally understood that it wasn't so much as what I was doing wrong but the fact that I had two supernatural spirits battling with each other inside me. Because I was half wolf and half vampire the feelings were much more intense than what a normal vampire would be. She suggested that letting my wolf out every now and then wouldn't hurt to try, she said nature requires balance and I was the complete opposite. In order for my emotions to express them freely and naturally was tap into my wolf. Skylar had explained that balance would be found in everything supernatural, and the best way to find peace within myself was to let my wolf take over for a day every now and then. Being suppressed to a vampire body only caused the wolf in me to grow stir crazy.

While that would take the edge off Skylar couldn't guarantee that it would work as well as I was hoping it would. She had suggested that if the emotions ever got to be too much and I was feeling like there was no way around the pain, guilt and sadness that I could flip inside me that would take everything. She had called it a 'Humanity Switch'. If I flipped that then I wouldn't be able to feel anything. I would be relieved of every negative emotion that I could possibly feel, but that also meant I wouldn't be able to feel love, gratefulness, or happiness. How she explained having to turn my humanity back didn't sound like a walk in the park so I was most likely going to steer clear of that option. I wanted to neutralize my emotions, not be out of them completely. 

So for the past two weeks I had been working on myself, extensively. Now that I knew the steps I had to take and how to control my thoughts I was able to practice. For two weeks I had been driving up and down the coast stopping in random cities practicing my feeding habits. I was hard to find the control within myself to stop at first but one thing Skylar had mentioned to do while feeding was to picture my last victims and how the lack self control made me feel. She had told me zoning in on that would be the best way to get me to stop feeding and learn my limit. I didn't have to drain a whole body to feel satisfied, a drop would suffice, as to what she said. But we both knew the blood tasted too good to only have a drop.