Art- Kim taehyung

-feelings-

In this world there are soulmates.

You either get one the minute your born or you wait to see.

I'm one of the many few people that wasn't born immediately with a soulmate, someone that loves you unconditionally. Lonely right. I would always get told i was gonna die alone since everyone is born with a soulmate or you get one at the age of 18 years old. That's the thing im 19 turning 20 in just a few months. 

I haven't gotten that special red date around my wrist.                                                                            There are three marks you can get. The first one is a red date on your wrist and it says the date of when you'll meet your soulmate that's only if your born and have a soulmate immediately after your born. The second one is a purple colored heart with a number next to it and that's when you wait till your 18. The third one is a black heart with the date you were born and that means you are soulless.

 Im 19 and i don't have either one of the three. scary

I almost never make a fuss about not having a soulmate even if it's lonely, i don't know how you can love someone so much. I don't know how you can feel so passionate about a person. It makes me crazy just thinking about it. Loving someone and having to be near them at all times because being apart from them makes you insane. I'd rather be alone and go to art museum because they actually make me feel something, even if it's not much it can make me feel relaxed like yes i forgot i am actually a human with real emotions. 

I'm starting college in a few days. I decided to go to an art school (surprise) and i decided to get it over with instead of waiting a whole year, like if i actually have things to do. In these two days i think about me and my life choices, im i making the right choice?, why am i falling behind?, will i be able to catch up? These thoughts come rushing in my head. These are common things i always think about. I somehow always feel like i'm slow and i cant breath. Like if im in a race and i'm the last person in line and the the person in front of me is miles ahead of me and i'll never be able to catch up. deep. I shake these thoughts off. I can make it, right? I decide to get some rest, tomorrow is important. It's the day i travel to seoul and go to a museum i've dreamed of going to. Alarm clock, coffee breath, 6am, I get ready to leave. In my large white tee with some blue jeans and a tote bag that has a cute grizzly bear, Basic i know. I like many people take the bus it's cheap and convenient. I arrived after 2 hours of bus transportation, i arrived it would have taken me much longer but surprisingly there was not much traffic. As soon as i take a step close to the museum i feel my heart drop. I feel an unexplainable emotion i've never in my life felt. A wave of emotions making me want to cry, I almost never cry. I return to normal and i try to forget what happen. I quickly enter and i roam around. I see no painting that makes me feel something. I keep walking trying to find something that calls my name. At the corner of my eye i see it. Almost as if god was listening to my prayer. I walk slowly to the painting, i read the description before looking at it fully. "1 in 2" a painting with two parts and the other is away. I look at the art work. As soon as my eyes meet the painting i get a familiar feeling my heart drops, i get a sad and but relaxed feeling. This painting looks so bright but makes me feel so sad, why is that? I feel like i can't take my eyes off this painting. I cut my trip short as i don't like the way i'm feeling, why such strong emotions,i feel different. I decide to go back home. I returned home. As i walk into my bedroom i can't help but feel confused. Why did i feel like that. I don't like change. I begin to cry, i cry and cry but it feels like i have an ocean of tears waiting to be released. I cry myself to sleep. 

Alarm clock, buzzing, coffee, outfit. I get ready to leave. First day in hell. I finished my first day of college. I get to an elective class. This whole day i've been feeling fuzzy, i decide to brush it off.  i get to the class, its a normal elective class. l talk to a few people and one person starts talking about soulmates, which i quickly lose interest. They all talk about if they meet their soulmate and what their soulmate is like. A girl quickly tells me if they can see my date, i quickly reject saying i don't have a soulmate  and they don't believe me. I show my wrist to show there's nothing. Everyone becomes shocked and everything quickly dies down. I can hear they're "i feel bad for you" and i automatically turn angry. I tell them to stop showing me their pity, something a deeply hate. The class ends and i quickly grab my things and leave. I get home and decide to watch anime something that will take my mind off things. I start doing my work and decided to take a shower. I undress myself slowly. first i take off my jeans. I unbuckle my belt and pull down my jeans. I see bruises on my thighs, disgusting is what i think. At that moment i didn't realize i was showing emotion, i thought i was disgusting. I take my shirt of and dont examine my body and decide to jump in the shower. I feel relaxed, a basic emotion i always feel. I get my flower scented shampoo and once i reach out to get the bottle i see it. A purple heart with a date that is a week ahead. I start to shake.

"i have a soulmate"