Vampirism | ✓

17 | Death Sentence

"I said no." Vincent's voice was strained with annoyance, so I backed off, shrugging my shoulders before staring down at the concrete pavement. We were standing by the alleyway Vincent hung around to hunt and find customers. I had come up to him since things were slow, and we soon started having a chat. I hadn't gone straight home since Haruto had an overnight call to attend to, and I had grown too pampered by his consistent presence in my life to be at home by myself.

"Okay," I let out, licking my lips before staring up at the moon. It was about ten at night now. "But, Haruto won't do anything to you. He'll just be curious, and I think going will be fun."

I had told Haruto about Vincent, and Vincent hadn't been happy about that, but since they were aware of each other's existence, regardless, I tried to get Vincent to meet up with us once in a while, and here I was inviting him to a Quaker meeting Haruto had asked me to tag along to.

Vincent shook his head, furrowing his brows. "Wern, a human invited you to a church. Do you know what happens when vampires enter a church? They burn. Wern, this is a death sentence."

"He didn't invite me to a church," I sighed, resting my back on the red brick wall. "Quakers don't have a church. They have small meeting houses," I said, repeating what Haruto had explained to me when he had asked me to follow him to a meeting on Sunday on a whim.

"I don't care about the semantics," Vincent said, waving his hand. "I think he's looking for a way to kill you without killing you."

"I don't think so," I mumbled. "It's been a few months. If he wanted to kill me, he would have done it a long time ago." I thought of how often they slept side by side. I could have reached out and ended Haruto's life, and vice versa if Haruto wanted to stake me, but we were comfortable enough with each other not to have those worries. We trusted each other, and that paranoia was not just a thing that existed in our relationship. Or, at least that was how things seemed from my point of view.

Vincent didn't say anything in response to me, so the two of us just stood side by side and stared out into the alleyway with tired eyes.

"Does he know that you still kill people?" Vincent asked in a small whisper as he turned to look at me.

"Yes," I said, looking down at a rock before kicking it. "I'm sure I've told you this before." I felt a bit annoyed with how insistent Vincent was by poking a hole into my relationship with Haruto. He hadn't liked the idea of the two of them dating from day one. He had told me to change Haruto into a blood vampire if I wanted him too much and explain what he was later. Instead, I had gone against that. Now, there was a human in town with the knowledge of vampires roaming free.

"He's either not normal if he's okay with you killing people, or he's just waiting for an opportunity to get rid of you."

It was clear he believed the latter. I couldn't blame him. I was personally still shocked by the calmness and poise with which Haruto approached the whole situation. Sometimes I would pinch myself to check if I hadn't just dreamed the whole thing up as a coping mechanism because I was too afraid to face him. 

Vincent let out a small chuckle as he stared up at the moon. "Fuck, Wern, you're going to die because of some dumb crush, fucking hell."

I let out a sigh at Vincent's panicky word, not saying anything in reply. I knew this was his way of dealing with his anxiety. He needed to let things out, so I let him.

Vincent was afraid of dying.

I know that much, at least. The man was younger than me by a few decades. Being born into the sex revolution and having to live through the spike in Satanist accusations by evangelical and cultist Christian movements in the seventies and eighties had its lasting effects. He'd lost his parents that way, and he was wary of humans—spiritual and religious humans—to be more specific.

"Vincent," I called, leaning off the wall for a bit. "I know why this is a touchy subject for you."

Vincent let out a pained chuckle. "Yeah, the looney Christians that killed my parents."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, rubbing my arm.

Vincent let out a sigh. "It's not something you should be sorry for. It's just what it is." The man bit down on his bottom lip, and I watched him, feeling my insides squeeze up with sadness at the words.

"It's just what it is."

Almost every vampire I met had a similar story. Though, an optimist would say that by virtue of vampires not dying from old age, all deaths would, of course, be over-represented as violent and painful. That was true, but it didn't make things better. Living forever as a vampire meant a lot of things. You dealt with guilt, hunger, and the fear of death. Your death would not be natural. It would be gruesome by default, and you lived with that knowledge in you.

Was being alive as a vampire better than being dead and going to hell? I'm not sure anymore. That, or Haruto's just rubbing off on me.

"Do you think being alive is better than dying and going to hell?" I asked.

Vincent looked at me with knitted brows before turning away and sighing. "I don't know."

"Then why are we afraid of dying?" I asked, turning to look at Vincent who blinked at me before frowning. "I mean, what if hell's better? Wouldn't you prefer dying to go there?"

Vincent stared at me as if I was crazy. "Everyone's afraid of death Wern. Everyone's afraid of dying."

I sucked my inner cheeks before letting out a sigh. "I'm following Haruto to his meeting on Sunday," I said, making my words final. Vincent didn't yell at me. He didn't even let out a sigh or shake his head. He just stared out into the open alleyway.

"When did I become the careful one?" Vincent asked no one in particular. A chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head. He was right, once upon a time I had been the one resisting anything that could lead us into trouble. I hadn't wanted to die. I had been afraid of dying too, but Haruto had influenced me. I wouldn't know if it was in a positive or negative way, but I know that he has. He talked about death and pain with such neutrality that his numbness to it rubbed off on me too. Who knows, maybe this was a test. Haruto has concerns about living forever, and I have concerns about dying. Maybe he wants to see if the committee would go both ways, and maybe I was overthinking things as always. I don't know, I'm making this up as I go to keep my anxiety in check.

If Haruto was trying to get me killed, I do think I would rather be dead than to be alive with the knowledge of that betrayal. I don't think even hell could be any worse than the possibility of me having to live on earth with the knowledge that Haruto hated me.