You know how when you're finally on the verge of shattering into a million pieces, you don't want your brain to offer fake solidarity to your heart, you just want another push, so that you stumble across the cliff and lose your footing and just f a l l .
You want to finally lose yourself in the storm that's been brewing, you want it to carry you away, you want to touch the water below, to become one with it, you want it to wrap its waves gently around your throat, to snatch your breath with calm and let you see the after, because dying is better than clinging to the cliff, hoping to see life one more time, to cherish it just once more but with more sophistication because you know it's worth, because it's not,
because it's the reason why you're hanging by the cliff firstly and not sitting, breathing sunshine, feeling the grass between your toes and the wind in your hair.
So you drive yourself right into what you try to escape, ram into your fears, deliberately throw blows after blows to your insides, crush what you love, you start hoping that maybe, just one more time, just one more line, just a little pain and it'll be over. You become your worst enemy.
I believe there is no light that comes to get you when you're done. There is just darkness, waiting for you, because you're never alone, it always waits for you, keeps you company and ultimately creeps up demanding redemption.
