Is This Love?

Is This Love? (Chapter 4)

"I cut myself." I admitted but I felt no shame. "It's not as bad as it sounds." I pleaded. "It doesn't even hurt." I tried to convince him that it wasn't really that serious.

His face was unreadable and my heart was racing. I was terrified of what he was going to say and think of me. Finally, he broke the intense silence. "How come you didn't call me before you did that? Why didn't you come talk to me? I mean, you? Addison? I would have never thought. You're always so happy acting. Why? Let me see."

His gaze softened when he realized I was now startled. He sat there, patiently waiting for some kind of response from me.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, really. I'm just a good actor, I guess. I dunno. Besides, why would I act all depressed around you when you're the only one that I can completely be myself with? I don't want to lose that, Mark. I can't lose you." I attempted to explain to him.

"Addison, let me see." He said as he gently reached for my arm. I flinched as he pushed back my shirt sleeve. He paused for a moment before he turn my wrist over. His brown eyes grew wide as he starred at the many scars on my wrist. When he finally pulled his eyes away from my wrist, he lowered my sleeve, hiding the truth.

"Addison." My name was the only thing he could say and he repeated it several times.He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "Please don't do that anymore. I don't want to see you hurt. But, I got to know, why did you do that to yourself?"

"Because Mark, I don't know. I guess sometimes I just really hate myself, my life and my family. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, like a failure." I avoided looking him the eyes because I knew I was about to break.

"Look at me, Addison." Mark's voice was steady and strong.

"I can't" I half whispered, half whined into his shoulder. "I can't"

I felt his cool fingers press underneath my chin. He forced me to look at him. The moment our eyes met, my composure broke and I lost all self control. I fought the tears that were burning my eyes and tried my best not to cry. A few tears broke my strength.

"Alright. Come on. Jump in my truck bed. We're skipping the next class to talk. In you go." He picked me up, unexpectedly and placed me in the bed of his truck. He jumped in after me.

"Ok. So, we are going to talk about this. I know you and I know you don't like to talk about emotions and problems but I need you to open up and talk to me, Addison. I'm here for you and I need you to know that." He said as he made himself comfortable next to me.

"You know they are going to catch us." I told him, trying to avoid the conversation that was about to happen. "Then, I'll never hear the end of it. Mark, this isn't a good idea." I warned.

"I know. I agree but this talk can't wait. I'm sorry, it's just a risk I'm not willing to take. Now, stop avoiding the conversation. yeah, thought I didn't notice, huh?" He said playfully, while tickling my sides.

I let out a little squeak, which was my normal response to being tickled. The noise resembled the sound that a young puppy or mouse make.

"That's so adorable," He laughed. "You know, you're the only girl that I know who squeaks. Don't worry though, it's cute. Now, back to the serious talk. Why do you think you are not good enough for anyone? Is there someone you are trying to impress?"

I sighed. "Mark, I don't know. I just feel ugly and useless. There's always someone prettier or better than me that ruins my chance with any guy I like." I tried to explain to him.

He nodded his head slowly up and down. "I see. Do you not understand that you are beautiful? There is always someone who is prettier but you got to find the one that thinks you are the prettiest thing in the world. Oh, and you are not useless. You're an athlete and your team needs you to make more goals like that goal Sunday and I need you or else, I'm stuck with all those two-faced country clubbers."