Total eclipse of a heart (Embry Call)

06. Date, not date

"I'm so sorry." Embry frowns, his hand taking mine in his without asking for permission. While one side of me is screaming to push him away, another forces me to scoot closer and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes for a moment.

"Tell me about your life. Distract me." I plead, hoping he'd have a story better than mine to tell. I'm hoping his story will stop the flashback of the night that had haunted me ever since I watched life drain from my mother's eyes.

"Mine's simple. Mum's always looked after me, made sure I had food to eat and a place to sleep. She took care of me my whole life and always gave me so much unconditional love that I was drowning in it. It changed last year. All we do is fight now. And my dad...well, I don't even know who he is. My mum never speaks of him." Embry explains, looking into the distance as I peer up at him.

I can tell he's haunted too. Though our wounds are different, they inflict pain and force a change within we hide from the world. We hide them because we're terrified who we'd become should they be out in the open. We're scared to see what we had to change inside to survive the endless 'what if's'. We can't face what we used to fill in the blanks that existed in the essence of our beings.

I tighten my grip on his hand and nuzzle into his neck. I hear his sharp intake of breath, knowing I surprised him with my actions. I'm surprised too.

"I'm not the best with words, Em. I always say the wrong thing, but I...I'm sure of one thing. I'm gonna be here for you. If you need to talk or just sit with someone in silence, I'll be here." I listen to his slow exhale, one that's shaky and unguarded as his other hand overlaps our intertwined ones.

I meant it. I'd be there for him should he ask. I always needed someone and had no one to talk to. I'll be his someone if he wants me.

Maybe he's not as bad as I once thought.
And yes, I suck at saying the right things when things get too personal because I've never been good with people. My people skills are fine, but only when I pretend to be the confident persona I show the world. When I'm me - just Valerie Silver, I'm never sure how to act. I'm awkward and unsure of every word or move I make, because that's when the stakes are high. It's when I care and I give someone the power to ruin me, to truly hurt me. That makes me scared as hell.
I guess it's okay to feel awkward, I'd rather feel that way and be real than anything else. At least when I need to be. Sometimes I forget which one of my personalities is the real me and for the longest time, before this night, I couldn't point it out for the life of me. The authentic me loves deeply, laughs often and cries at the sorrow of others. I get emotionally attached and show my soul as if it were a movie...but hey, that's me, wearing "awkward" as if it were my own exclusive label. Because it is who I am and Embry brought it out of me in a single day.

"You're better with words than you think." He says quietly, his voice low and just below a whisper.

"We should probably head back." I lick my lips, detaching myself from him. I let my hand rest in his a little longer, until we get home to be exact.
The walk back was quiet, with a few shy smiles here and there, awkward glances and genuine feelings bubbling inside my chest. This is not how I wanted this night to go, yet I can't find it in me to regret any of it.

"So, uh. This is where I leave you, I suppose." Embry smiles, his eyes flickering between our interlocked hands and my slightly disappointed face. He steps in front of me, or hands slowly unravelling from each other until our fingers are clinging to the gentle touch. Fingertips slowly part and our hands are free, but letting go wasn't easy. It's getting harder and harder to let go of his hand and it's disturbing me on every level imaginable. I can't get dependent on him.

Even if he's not a part of the secret this resort has, I'll still have to leave after I'm done - provided I survive this.

"Yeah." I breathe out, stepping closer to him subconsciously. My body is naturally drawn to him, to this unexplainable pull we seem to have towards each other.

"Was this a date?" Embry asks, forcing me to chuckle.

"Depends." I reply, pursing my lips. I turn my head to the side to avert my gaze, but the sudden rosiness of my cheeks definitely gave me away.

"On what?" Embry feigns a serious look on his face, one that would prompt me to laugh if it was anyone else, but he just makes my heart hammer faster and the thought process halts. It halts and it forces me to speak the truth when I least expected it.

"If you kiss me or not." I state boldly, the horror inside me growing when my brain catches up to my mouth. While I'm internally screaming, Embry seems to be contemplating the choice I so carelessly placed before him.

He seems to ponder for a moment, the silence and his pause horrifying me to no end as embarrassment takes over.

"Wow, that was so stupid. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to really -" Embry smiles, his hand going for the back of my neck and he quickly bends down.
The next thing I know, his lips are on mine and my eyes widen in shock. I look at him, not moving for a moment. His eyes are closed and his lips are the warmest sweet I've ever tasted. His thumb is grazing my jaw and his fingers are tangled in my hair and before I know it, my palm is pressed against his right cheek and my lips move against his like it's the most natural thing I've ever done in my life. His cologne intoxicates me, his kisses infect me and the butterflies in my stomach seem to be on steroids as they spread throughout my entire body. I melt into his touch, feeling my lungs burn from the lack of air and though I'm getting dizzy and weak in my knees, I stand on my tiptoes to fully lose myself in this enigma that is Embry Call.

Embry is the first one to pull back, leaving me wanting more. His mouth is covered in lip gloss, slightly plumped and I can only imagine what I look like. He's flustered and elated, like he's gotten a fix of his favourite drug. His arms are still wrapped around me, steadying me until I feel I can stand on my own. It's like he knows I'm feeling faint from the insane rate my heart decided on. Perhaps he's feeling faint as well.

"I should, uh..." I step back, a breathy chuckle escaping me. I cover my mouth with my right hand, watching Embry nod. He seems to be in a daze, but his sole focus is me.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow?" Embry wonders and I give him the thumbs up, glancing over my shoulder before walking inside and resting my back against the door. I clasp my hands together in front of my face and smile so widely my face hurts.

"Well, you're happy." Jacob walks out of the kitchen, scowling at me. It dents my current excitement, bringing a tinge of frustration into it.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?" I raise a brow, crossing my arms over my chest.

Jacob shakes his head, his lips moving as if he wants to say something but is holding back.

"Whatever." He passes by, slamming his door behind him.

I'm not sure what his problem is, but I find myself wanting to help him. It might be my crush on him still working against me, but I genuinely care for him. I care because he's the first guy I met in the reserve and he was almost my first kiss. He was my first slow dance and I thought we're at least friends. I sure as hell still liked him, but Embry and I...that was in a league of it's own. They couldn't compare.

"Jake." I knock on his door, sighing when he ignores me.

"I don't know what I did to make you this mad, but I'm sorry. Please, talk to me." I lean my forehead on his door, closing my eyes. It's selfish on his behalf to ruin this for me. It's selfish and it angers me as well. I deserved a good night and he just tarnished it.

"Fine. Stay inside and ignore me, but don't be mad when I do the same to you." I say harshly, walking into the room I share with Rachel. She's not there, just a note on her pillow.

At Paul's. Hope you had fun. -R

Tossing the note into the trash, I change into my PJ's, get into bed and close my eyes. Surprisingly, I fall asleep faster than I have in the past couple of months, the darkness taking over and allowing me to finally get the sleep I need.