Innocent Mischief

One

"Are you sure it's okay?  You don't have any appointments right now?" Even over the phone Liam, the beta of the pack I've belonged to since birth manages to sound anxious as we discuss the topic of me picking up his mate, my friend Casper, from his physical therapy appointment and letting him rest here at my apartment with me instead of heading home since Liam is busy with helping Alpha Silas tear down the wall to his study, the construction on the library he promised Luna Adrian the day they met finally starting after a planning period that seemed like it took forever.

"I have the afternoon off. It's fine, Liam. Maybe I'll talk Cassie into accepting a massage and he'll be in better shape when you come to get him." I had offered my services many times to Liam's war-wounded warlock of a husband, the stump left behind from having to get a leg that had been cursed amputated just under his knee normally burning with the nerve pain that comes with that kind of injury normally leaving him with tears in his eyes and exhaustion deep enough it seems to rock his very soul when I see him afterward. 

Despite having seen my newly acquired license to practice massage therapy, he's always hesitant to accept a rub down, the reflex to shy away from letting anyone touch the limb that had previously so potently cursed ingrained in him from having to live with it for so long before taking the plunge and opting for surgical removal to make his life easier. 

"You're a lifesaver, Quinn! I should be done here around six if Silas can manage to stop playing kissy-face with Addy long enough to focus, but if I can't get out of here by then I'll see if Kore can pick him up once he closes up the shop. Is that okay?" Liam's question makes me snort, Kore is one of Casper's many descendants and part of the local coven that had asked for permission to settle down in the territory, a request that had been accepted without any turbulence, their respect of our pack's rules a big reason why our Alpha will likely never ask them to leave. 

"That's a dumb question. I love Kore, of course it's okay, Liam."

"No offense, Buddy, but you love everyone." Liam's chuckle brings warmth to my cheeks because he isn't wrong... I have a hard time differentiating who it's appropriate to get attached to and trust and who I shouldn't, my wolf wanting to be near anyone nice enough to give us a little attention or affection, "You really are the best! Wait- Are you sure you have time to pick him up?" 

"I'm grabbing my keys as we speak, you dork. I'll see you later, love you." I don't wait for Liam to respond before hanging up on him and slipping my phone into my pocket before grabbing my keys and my wallet from where I had tossed them on to my dining room table, the magazine I had sat down to flip through just before Liam called resting still untouched, the quiz broadcast on the front that tells me it'll tell me why I haven't found the perfect boyfriend... or in my case, my mate, yet still not found and penciled in inside.

Buying it today when I had stopped at the store on the way home from a rather depressing doctor's appointment where I had been told that there isn't anything wrong with me that they can find... That there wasn't anything wrong with my pheromones or my hormone cycles... Just that my mate probably didn't live near enough to find me... So in other words... Either he doesn't live in the area... Or he's seen me and decided that I'm not what he wants...

The thought hurts, but even as I lock the door to my apartment behind me sealing the stupid most likely broad answered quiz inside I know that it might be true. Not everyone would be thrilled to find out that their mate is a runt with an attachment disorder and a rather unimpressive one at that. 

I try and swallow the lump trying to form in my throat as I ride the elevator down to the ground floor of my building, the distraction of picking Casper up extremely welcome since it gets me back out of the same self-shame spiral that I keep finding myself stumbling into the longer I try and keep my heart open to the idea of my mate finally finding me and giving me a permanent place to giving me something stable to latch on to permanently and without fear that they'll end up leaving me.

It's not that everyone leaves me on purpose... They don't always mean to... But when my parents left it was like the dam holding all the important people in my life close to me gave way and they all slipped away... Pulled away by their own parents or the mates that they cherish so much...

First, when Liam found Casper and slowly stopped taking me as his plus one to all of his important events, a tradition he had started to try and give me something to smile about after being told that Mom and Dad weren't coming to pick me up from dropping me off at his house to be babysat for the evening...

Not that I can blame him... Cassie deserves to get taken to fancy charities that serve nice food and have fun themes and outfits, it reminds him of when he used to go to balls somewhere in the early stretch of the beginning of his immortality...

And then Adrian when his Grandmother told him he couldn't hang out with me anymore a few months before he and Alpha Silas found each other, and then I lost him again when I realized that even though he's closer now and out from under Agatha's thumb he no longer has the time for me, all his energy focused on building his new life, a library, and a family.

The other pack members have only ever sought me out when they needed comfort, now preferring to do it by booking a massage with me via texting me or showing up at my door with a kink in their necks with a soul full of worries waiting to be unloaded on my patient ears before leaving without so much as a thank you...

All of them having learned not to indulge my need for comfort lest I mistake the temporary affection for actual friendship only to be wounded when they have to sit me down and explain that no...we aren't friends...it was just a hug to say thank you...and that's it.

By the time I'm throwing my car door open to climb inside I have to wipe the tears from my eyes and do my best to suck it up before picking up Casper, the warlock too tired to deal with my melodrama.