Thinking Out Loud- Interracial (Slow Updates)

Is this my life

As I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner I just can't believe that this is my life now. Getting married to a mobster, living in the house not seeing the outside world. Like what about the danger and threats he could get. I could die, I COULD DIE! Or I could get kidnapped. He has to know that this isn't going to be easy for me. I'd have to adjust to a whole different life. Learn the things he knows, that's if he teaches me. I'd have to become a whole new person. I don't want this to change me. 

I stir the pasta and set the garlic bread as I mull over these things. Hopefully he likes shrimp alfredo. I also make a fresh salad to go with the meal. This is all so new to me, i'm not used to cooking for someone else, let alone that person is my soon to be husband. I'm so into my own thoughts I didn't feel Lorenzo came up behind me. He smells fresh like he just came from the shower.

“Hey you okay?” he asks as I turn around not expecting him to be so close to me. I reply with a yes, while I take out the toast and turn the pan of pasta off, with it being done cooking. I go to grab plates and motion him to sit at the table. After setting the salad on the table then grabbing out plates. He grabs wine for us to drink and he and I sit down to eat. It’s very quiet at first until i open my mouth. 

“I don't think i can marry you. How do i know you can keep me safe and let nothing happen to me?” I asked while taking a sip of my wine. I cut my eyes to him as he just chews not even acknowledging my question. I sit waiting for an answer to my question but he gives me nothing. I finish my food before and go to take up my plate and the rest of the used dishes to wash and put away. As I got up I grabbed and pulled onto his lap. 

“Kass, listen , I know this is hard for you, but you just have to trust that I know what I am doing. Nothing and i repeat nothing is going to happen to you. I would give my life if it meant saving yours. I'd never put you in a position to hurt you ever. Now lose the attitude before I correct it” as he says in that last sentence he squeezes my thigh to get his threat across. I look at him not backing down. 

“How am i supposed to know that huh? Oh let me just put my life in the hands of the man I've only known for three weeks maybe a month. I don't know how long i've known you because i can't leave the house. I don't have a phone or computer or anything! It's so horrible here '' I say very frustrated. I finally got all of that out, hopefully my big mouth didn't get me in more trouble. 

“I'm only going to say this one more time Kassidy: One watch your mouth. Two i run this shit and if i say nothing is going to happen to you then that's that. Three you'll get your things back and freedom once i deem you have them are we clear?” he says while standing me up and pulling me close to him by my neck. Looking me dead in my eyes daring me to defy him. 

“Yes ‘daddy’ were clear' 'I say with sarcasm and when he finally lets me go I clean the table without saying anything else. I walk into the kitchen just as upset as ever. Until he deems it is the right time, I cannot live like this. I'm not some roll over housewife. This is beyond me. 

He walks into the entrance of the kitchen and leans on the wall and looks at me. He just stares me up and down not saying anything. After i'm done putting the food away and washing the dishes i go to walk past him but he stops me. 

“Look, I just want to go to bed so if you'll excuse me” I say as I try to walk around him but he stops me again. He pulls me into him and kisses my forehead. 

“I have to go, you may be sleepy when I return, goodnight” After that Kurt goodnight he leaves the room. I make my way up the stairs wondering if I can leave or we’ll get better.