Dandelions // Randy

Dandelions

The first time in a while. I didn't know I needed it, but here I am in a field of dandelions wishing for you to be mine. In the years we've known each other noting ever changed. The looks we gave and the words we said. Every part of me seemed to hate you, even though we both know neither of us meaning a word we said. The nights we really talked without bickering or wanting to rip each others heads off. Still not willing to give in. Into the love we've grown for each other everything seemed to work out just fine with the arguments until our feelings got in the way. Neither of us knowing what it meant nor deciding to ignore them. " Hey.." I looked up into a pair of chocolate brown eyes. The second I did so knowing it was him. "Hi.." After that we both stayed silent not daring to even look at each other. We got ourselves into a mess where the both of us didn't see a way out off. "We need to talk...." I stayed silent knowing he would continue talking. Proving my point as he did so. "I know I've messed up, and I'm really sorry I did. I can't live without you. Loving someone you feel like you are supposed to hate is weird and I don't know how to deal with it. I truly am sorry Andy.."  Even after everything he still knew his way around words, as for me I didn't know what to say. The silence to comfortable to break, but still so awfully dangerous to continue.

"Euhm.. Hi, my name's Andrew Fowler, but I prefer to be called Andy" I said once the teacher asked me to introduce myself. First days are never something I looked forward to and the fact that this was the school I always dreamed of attending not helping either. Everyone stayed silent non the less. Probably used to getting new students in on scholars ships as often as they do. The only one that locked eyes was a guy with fake blond hair, waving me over to sit next to him. "Hi, I'm Brook." Smiling brightly when he reached out to shake my hand. "Andy"  I said taking his hand and shaking it. "So since you're new and all care to join my friends and I at lunch?" That's one way to ask a question I suppose, quite shocked by the way he didn't quite care that he didn't know me at all still knowing the fact I needed company. I agreed on having lunch with him and his friends because I'm not an asshole and I could use the company. Me and Brook having the same classes the next few hours. No one bothered enough to show me around knowing I wouldn't last here longer then a few weeks. Everyone had a room on the campus, while I had no place to stay as every room was filled. No one again caring enough to fix it. I didn't care because I love spending time at home, but the long road to school bothering me to no end. Having to get up at 5 not really being anyone's favorite. The second the bell rang Brook dragged me out to the cafeteria eager to get to see his friends. When we reached the table I hesitated to sit down or walk past to a near bathroom to lock myself into a stall. I'm not a social butterfly if you haven't noticed. "Come on, sit down we won't bite. Well at least I won't" He chuckled before introducing everyone to me. "Well Andy, The tall one with the curlies is Sonny, Next to him sits Rye and next to Rye is Jack. And lads this is Andy. The guy who I texted you about"  The one I believe is called Rye chuckled "Brook, you may be an idiot but we're not."  When we locked eyes it was as if the world stopped. His being the kind you could get lost in while you wouldn't even dare to. Suddenly changing to something I didn't recognize. When they changed I quickly looked away not daring to look further. While I turned back to Brook who has just finished telling me about the 3 boys in front of me. While I was to busy staring at Rye to notice he did so. " Oh and I'd almost forgot Harper and Harvey, but they haven't arrived yet."  Time seemed to go by and we all got along just fine.

After the first week the boys and I seemed to get along really well and after a year I considered them my best friends. Except a certain brown haired boy with the most gorgeous  chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. The thought of him and I getting along already making me sick. I hated him and he hated me. We didn't need a reason to do so. As it had been like this since his eyes turned cold the second I looked into them. Trough every year of college nothing changed.  Until the last year, when he suddenly decided to open up to me. Telling me why he hated me. Not realizing that after he did tell me everything, he was drunk out of his mind. While I thought about his words he fell asleep on the bed across from mine in the dorm we shared. The whole time I knew my feelings for Rye were a fact I couldn't deny. The field with dandelions the only escape I got. Wishing on dandelions all of the time praying to god that one day he'll be mine. Wishing on dandelions all of the time. I knew I saw forever in your eyes. Not knowing what it meant until now. A week later things got out of hand. He went further and further into pushing my buttons. Hurting me by doing so. We were always pushing each other's buttons, knowing when to stop. Except this time he didn't. Not giving me a reason until he broke down. In the field of dandelions. Where I was wishing on dandelions he'd be mine all of the time. "You know what freaks me out the most. The second I looked into your beautiful ocean blue eyes. I knew you were it for me, but I was so scared of admitting it. My own sexuality always had been a struggle. I grew up with homophobic friends and every day at school words were thrown at me. Fag, Loser, Why'd you fuck your own kind, gross, Ugly fat fagot and the insults only getting worse on the way. I'm sorry.. For everything I've ever did to you. Forgiveness is not something I want to ask for, but it's you and I will never get enough of you. Even though you heard me say otherwise. I love you" With that he stood up and walked away. Leaving me alone between the dandelions. Which had always been my safe space until I found him a few minutes ago. Sitting in the same spot I always had done. After a few weeks I finally went beck, because I needed to get away. Knowing he wouldn't be there. I wish I wasn't so wrong about that. That day was the day he lashed out. Crossing lines he shouldn't have. Confusing me along the way. And I, I still loved him. Not knowing why or how. He said he wanted to be mine. Wishing on dandelions all of the time, but now not sure if he'd ever be mine.

"Andy? Eart to Andy.. Omg.. ANDY!"

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Not really... sorry"

"That's okay, But please stay with me. I can't loose you. not again." I didn't know what it meant, but I didn't care. He hurt me, but i'd always forgive him. Even if he would've killed everyone around us, because it was him. "You've never lost me"