Shaped Me

Truth Be Told

    At Least it was a beautiful day. The kind of day that made everything feel better. The sun warming my skin and the stillness of the air seemed to be trying to reassure me that everything was okay. Closing my eyes for a second I welcomed the sun rays on my face. There is something about a sunny day that makes time stop for a bit. Looking around the full parking lot, I see other people appreciating the beautiful day as well. There are people sitting on the hood of their cars and standing around enjoying what I'm almost positive is not solely apple juice. Just like the rest of the school the school mergers have brought about an influx of people to the parking lot.

    Luckily I didn't have to look too far for my car. I made sure I got to school earlier than normal today. I wanted to make sure I didn't miss the posting of the list. One good thing that came out of it was I got my favorite parking spot. It is the perfect spot, not too far from the front door but not close enough that if anything were to happen, my car wouldn't get the brunt of it. I have considered all of the factors. Looking at the black car, I can't help but notice its dire need for a car wash. Maybe I could convince Lex to come over and wash it with me . I'd probably have to bribe her with something.

    "Hey" Looking up from digging through my bag for the keys I see Nile jumping down from the back of the car. Slipping my lip into my mouth I continue to fumble with my backpack. I haven't seen Nile all day and I stopped responding to his messages. Trying not to look at him I continue searching for the keys lost somewhere in the abyss that is my bag. On top of cleaning my car I need to clean out my backpack.

    I'll never admit it to my father but sometimes I wish his gift of organization was hereditary. His sock drawer is immaculate meanwhile everything about me is a mess.

    "Curly Sue" Dropping the pen back into the bag I try to push the familiar tingle in my nose away. Isn't it strange how we can hold so much in easily but the minute someone who matters to you acknowledges you, it's as if the dam breaks. That's how I feel. If I look at Nile right now I'm sure there would be no holding back the tears. So instead I'm going to continue playing what's that object in my bag. No person needs this many lip balms in one bag Manny. Throwing yet another lip balm back into the abyss.

    "I can't find my keys." I can feel the confusion oozing off of Nile. I can't blame him but it's the easiest thing to say.

    "Have you checked your back pocket?"

    "If they were in there I would feel them. Do you think I'm that crazy?" Feeling around on my jeans I pat my back pocket. Pulling the metal out I hold the keys out to Nile. One of the perks of having a boyfriend, I don't have to drive.

    Taking them he grabs my bags from me without question. Unlocking the door he places the bags in the back and waits for me to get around to the passenger side. It is weird but whenever Nile doesn't open the door for me he always waits for me to get in. At first I thought it was strange but now I find it sweet. Waiting for my seat belt to be on he adjusted his mirrors. I still haven't made eye contact with him. I am not going to let him break the dam, I don't want to cry. Nodding once the seat belt was clicked I settled for looking out the window. Anywhere but at Nile.

    Why didn't I want to tell him ? It isn't a big deal that I didn't make the team. It's just a team. I guess I'm just going to continue lying to myself today.

    " Do you have to be home right away?" Part of me wants to say yes just so I can go home and wallow by myself. I do have homework that needs to be done and my room is more like a warzone. It is borderline uninhabitable.  " I see the wheels turning. Thirty minutes and I promise I won't keep you from your bed any longer."

    "Thirty minutes." I say in agreement. Lucky for me he is focused on the road. Staring at Nile is definitely my favorite pastime and thankfully he was used to it. He didn't find it peculiar that I took every opportunity  to stare at his face or to poke his dimples whenever they were showing, like right now. Folding my hands I stop myself from reaching out and touching him. Deciding that I had my fill of staring at Nile I turned my attention back to the road.

    "Is this the part where you kill me?"

    "Manny if I wanted to kill you, I would have done it a long time ago." Was that supposed to make me instill confidence in him? If so he failed because there was nothing in that statement that gave me reassurance. Truth be told I'm in more danger with Lex than I am with Nile. Then again Lex and I have made a pact that we wouldn't kill the other unless there was a justifiable reason. Lex's definition of justifiable may be a bit blurred. Continuing to focus on the road in front of us, I try to figure out where we were going. We already passed all of the places Nile and I would normally go plus if we continued going down this road we would be completely out of town. Taking another glance at Nile I try to read his face but it says nothing. Taking a sharp right he comes off the road. This is the point in the movie where I would try to figure out if I would survive after jumping out of a moving car. I can handle a sprained ankle and a few scratches. Looking around for a sign or a clear spot to land I see the warehouse. The old warehouse has been abandoned for a couple of years. I had never seen it before this summer when we went to a party here. The parking lot in the front of the building is completely empty as expected.

    "Why are we here ?" Ignoring me, Nile parks the car. Unbuckling his seat he plugs his phone into the car. His smile continues to grow as confusion continues to etch its way onto my face. Getting out of the car he closes his door leaving me. Should I get out of the car too? Answering the question for me he opens my door and sticks his hand out. Looking questioningly at the hand then Nile I place my hand in his. Still waiting for him to tell me what's going on I look around trying to ease the curiosity within me. The area around the warehouse is beautiful. No wonder this place closed down. It is really well hidden, if you didn't know it was here you probably wouldn't be able to find it.

    Nile comes back out of the car smiling brightly. The kind of smile that is almost too big for his face. Soon music begins to come out of the car and I look at him suspiciously. A familiar beat begins and immediately I know what song it is. Nile begins to move from side to side, trying but failing to move to the beat. As soon as the song ask do you want to dance Nile takes my hand. The dam is definitely going to break. Holding my hand he spins me around clumsily almost tripping in the process. Nile doesn't really dance but right now not only is he dancing but he's doing so to my mother's favorite song. Pulling me close we say to the song.

    "I didn't make the team." I say into his shirt. It felt as though the words needed to be said. He doesn't say anything. Turning me around again he pulls me close. His tightening hold lets me know he heard me. We continued to sway completely out of time with the music. It didn't matter, we just danced and that is all I needed right now.