Harry Potter's Pen Pal

Chapter Seventeen

"Expelliarmus," Harry said boredly, causing Weasley's wand to fly out of his hand.

Weasley looked outraged. Oh, here we go, Harry thought amusedly, waiting for the idiot to say something anti-Slytherin.

"How did you do that so quickly? You must have cheated! You are a Slytherin," he added darkly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Believe what you like, Weasel. I only cheat to save my own life."

"Liar!" Weasley shouted angrily, and, like his father, forgot he was a wizard, rushing at Harry with fists clenched.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Harry barked, and Weasley's limbs shot together. The red-headed idiot fell over with a loud thump.

"I said disarm only!" Lockhart yelped. Harry glanced around; Millicent had Granger in a headlock, Seamus was coughing smoke while Dean, pale-faced, tried to clear the other boy's lungs, Neville and Finch-Fletchley were on the floor, choking, and Ernie seemed to have sprouted antlers. (That last one had nothing to do with Fred, nothing at all.)

"Finite Incantatem!" Snape yelled. Instantly, the antlers disappeared (Fred and George scowled) Weasley's limbs sprang apart, and Neville, Seamus, and Finch-Fletchley were gasping for breath while Dean looked utterly relieved.

"Millicent, my dear, let go of Granger," Harry said lazily. "We don't want Professor Snape to deal with the paperwork for her suffocation, do we?"

Millicent instantly released Granger, who collapsed on the floor, gasping. Weasley cast Harry a look of loathing and ran over to her.

"I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells," Lockhart mused. He glanced at Snape, blanched at the professor's deadly smirk, and said quickly, "Let's have a volunteer pair ⎯ Longbottom and Finch-Fletchley, how about you-"

"They haven't quite caught their breaths yet, Lockhart," Snape said coldly. "How about Weasley and Mr. Potter?" His smile became twisted, and Harry grinned.

"Excellent idea!" Lockhart said brightly. He gestured for Harry and Weasley to come up onto the stage.

"Which Weasley-" began Fred.

"-are you referring to-" said George.

"-Professor?" Fred finished.

"Your younger brother," Snape said in fond exasperation. The Gryffindors stared at him.

Harry chuckled at his Demon twins and stalked up to the platform, Weasley following. Harry stopped beside Snape while the red-head went over to Lockhart.

"Now, Mr. Weasley," Lockhart said. "When H- Mr. Potter," he added quickly at Harry's cold look, "points his want at you, you do this." He wriggled his wand in an odd manner and dropped his wand. "Whoops ⎯ my wand is a little overexcited-"

Snape leaned down and whispered, "I'm surprised he doesn't lose his head." Harry snickered. "You know what you're going to do?"

"Of course," Harry purred.

"Professor," Weasley said anxiously, "can you show me that blocking thing again?"

"Just do what I did, Mr. Weasley," Lockhart said brightly.

"What, drop my wand?" Weasley demanded, but Lockhart wasn't paying attention.

"Three ⎯ two ⎯ one ⎯ go!"

"Petrificus Crura!" Harry chanted, and Weasley's legs snapped together. He fell over sideways, stopping his fall with his hands.

"You'll pay for that, Potter!" Weasley snarled, raising his wand.

"Serpentsortia!"

Harry heard a whispered spell somewhere behind him. Snape seemed to have heard it, too, because he looked around. The next moment, a huge, jet-black anaconda shot onto the stage, hissing angrily.

"Don't move, Weasley," Snape said, raising his wand, "I'll get rid of it...."

"Allow me!" Lockhart shouted, causing Harry to flinch at the noise. He flicked his wand at the snake, and with a bang, the snake shot into the air and landed with a loud smack. Furious, it began sliding towards Finch-Fletchley.

"Stop!" Harry shouted. He was aware that he sounded slightly hissy, but he ignored this.

The snake halted and turned to Harry, startled. You are a speaker? it asked.

"Speaker of what?" Harry asked. "And how the heck can I understand you?"

You are a Parselmouth, young master, the anaconda replied.

"Come," Harry ordered. "Away from the boy." The snake slithered over to him and curled by his feet. Harry turned to Finch-Fletchey, who was looking horrified, and said, "Are you all right, Finch-Fletchley?"

The boy opened and shut his mouth wordlessly for a moment.

"What do you think you're playing at, Potter?" Weasley yelled.

"Weasley, how many times have I told you my ears are sensitive?" Harry snapped quietly. The snake at his feet hissed angrily, causing Weasley to jump backward. "And do you really think I'd be stupid enough to attack Finch-Fletchley in front of two teachers, however incompetent one of them is?"

Lockhart spluttered indignantly, causing Snape to snort quietly.

"You told the snake to attack Justin!"

"If he had, I would be dead, Weasley," Finch-Fletchley snapped back. "Thanks, Potter," he added. Harry nodded back.

"I assume you want to keep it, Potter?" Snape drawled.

"Hmm." Harry looked down at the snake thoughtfully. "I would, but I doubt the headmaster would agree."

"I will send it home to your caretakers," Snape responded.

"The Muggles?" Weasley asked in confusion.

"No," Harry sneered. "Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black." He crouched down by the snake, ignoring the sudden whispers. "This man-" he gestured to Snape "-is going to take you to my uncles. You might be going through the fireplace, so don't freak out and attack my favorite teacher."

Yes, master, the anaconda responded.

"Your name is Obsidian," Harry decided as he picked up the snake. "Here, Professor."