Egotism & Enmity

Chapter Two: Their Hands in Gloves

Princess Alexandrina, Dash, Flight, and I enjoyed walking in the gardens of Kensington Palace as the month of April wore on and made way for May. Both of our eighteenth birthdays drew nearer, and King William seemed determined to put a hold on his death to ensure that the princess would succeed him. The princess firmly stated that she and I would have a joint day for our birthdays, to be held at midday on the day of her birth, and the celebrations, she decided, would not be over until the twenty-sixth of May. She was quite determined to have a fun day to celebrate, which she was determined would be the final one that she was beneath her mother's and Conroy's thumb.

Baroness Lehzen, although well-meaning, resented the influence I had on the princess and would always seek to drive a wedge in between the two of us. I said nothing, for although I believed the baroness had an unhealthy obsession with my new friend, I knew not to come between them. Lehzen and Dash had been all the young princess had for years, and I did not want to cause my new mistress to send me away. The thought of returning to Pemberley in disgrace was nearly too much for me, and I would spend hours sobbing into my pillow at the thought of it. That, along with Conroy's demands of me, the duchess's and the baroness's dislike, and Lady Flora's rude looks were nearly too much to handle. I only had the princess, dear Flight, and Dash who were not against me.

Mama wrote to me frequently, informing me of the potential for a good match if I was to remain in favor, although my marriage seemed to be far enough away that I believed I had no just cause to worry about it. Papa seldom wrote but when he did manage to do so, he told me to obey Conroy in all things, and I promised him that I would. I would never tell a soul of my alliance with Princess Alexandrina, under the impression that it was a great secret. I knew when to speak and when not to speak, as well as just what to tell Conroy. I would delight in informing him of the young princess's stubborn refusal of granting him the regency, and was further delighted when the frustration was never taken out on me. It seemed as though Conroy held my father in such high regard that he did not wish to potentially risk his displeasure by inflicting pain upon his daughter.

"You're lucky he does not," Princess Alexandrina whispered to me one afternoon when we were left alone with our spaniels. "He can be very cruel, if he has a mind to be so. Miss V. Conroy barely escaped with her father's harsh words after I refused to play with her soon after I turned fourteen..."

"Surely, he would not deliberately inflict pain upon his own daughter," I say, shaking my head at the very notion of it. "Surely he is not so much of a monster that he would—"

She sighed. "Unfortunately, it could occur," she replies. "Of course, it is not nearly as bad as what I had to put up with..."

"Dear God, ma'am, what did they do to you?" I whisper.

The princess lowers her eyes, as if ashamed. "If I was very bad, as a little girl, I was made to stand in the most darkened of staircases...for hours...with my hands tied behind my back," she whispers.

"Good God, no!" I whispered.

"We shall not dwell upon it," she says quickly, taking me firmly by the hand and putting a smile upon her face, "for next week we are to turn eighteen, and then we shall soon escape this oppression."

"Ma'am..."

"Yes, Felicity?" she asked.

"I heard tell that His Majesty the King and Her Majesty the Queen applied for guardianship of you some years ago..."

She nodded. "That is true."

"Well, perhaps, once you are eighteen, we may be at court more often. Then, perhaps, you will not be bidden to return to Kensington as much, and you can be happy in your aunt and uncle's company..."