Payne in the Ass

2. The Offspring of a Unicorn and a Majestic Pegasus

Have I made Harry smirky and winky enough to be a cliche 1D fanfic yet? If not, here we go!

Eponine’s POV

OMG LOOK AT ALL THE REPRESSED SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN FAE AND HARRY, I thought in my best impression of a Californian teenage girl as the blood continued to rush down to my head considering I was thrown over the shoulder of some boy I just met. Some cute boy I just met. Yes, I admit it. He looks like the offspring of a unicorn and a majestic pegasus and he smells good. Is it weird to be attracted to a smell? Did I just say attracted? Am I attracted to him? Hm. Yes, I think so. Although, it is a bit annoying to be put into this situation and I understand why Fae was upset, but these boys were already so nice and accepting. And It's not their fault.

I’m glad I’m wearing shorts, so they can't see my underwear considering I’m upside down. I sniffed him again which sounds totally creepy and is totally creepy and probably looks totally creepy and I hope no one sees my act of totally creepiness, but I couldn't help myself. Fae shot me a glare. Oops. BUSTED. At least I got a whiff of him and oh, my. Eppy, you are acting really odd.

Fae sighed. “How about when Sammi arrives tomorrow in the morning, which hopefully by then I will have awaken from this nightmare, she can pick before me?”

“Who’s Sammi? The other band member?” Harry questioned.

“Our sweet angel lover mccutiekins babycakes.” She offered in a response. We tend to give each other the stupidest pet names. “So my plan works? Great!” 

“I don’t think so.” He smirked at her. I wonder if there’s a disease where you continually smirk and wink all the time. WHAT IF IT'S CONTAGIOUS? I MIGHT NEED BUGSPRAY. That doesn’t even make any sense. I think being upside down is affecting my brain.

“I didn’t know you could think.” She replied. OOOOOOOH, BURN! I think I watch too much That 70's Show. Oy, I’m getting a bit light headed.

“Ouch, hurtful.” He WAIT FOR IT! winked. “I can be your fake boyfriend. You took too long to decide.” 

Fae got this really evil and angry look in her eyes that basically said ‘I’m going to chop off all your hair and burn it in a trashcan then bury the ashes before tap dancing ontop of them.’ It must be a lot worse right side up. “Fine.” She spat out through her teeth. That’s it? No sassy comeback? No death threat? 

“Can I please be let down? Gently.” I piped up through the awkward silence that followed Fae’s demonic glare. “Oh, sorry. I was just messing around.” Liam responded in his deep completely non sexy and who am I kidding I meant to say sexy voice before he set me down softly on the floor. His beautiful chocolate brown eyes bore into mine for a second before he awkwardly adverted his gaze.

Mr. Ski Slope Head yawned, stretching, before murmuring an “I’m off to bed. G’night lads, goodnight ladies.” It was interesting hearing his voice, because he hadn’t said much. “Nanite.” I replied, trying to be polite, since Fae was being very hostile. I was too, in the beginning, but they’re all so friendly, what’s the point? Again, it’s not their faults we’re in this sitch. Sitch. I'm like Kim Possible.

“Same here.” Louis and Niall agreed before saying ‘goodnight’s and heading off to their bedrooms. I assumed Niall’s bedroom was down the corridor as well as the other boys' rooms, but I guess it’s where I had thought the kitchen was. Or maybe he’s just going to the kitchen or something.

“So.” Harry clapped his hands, focusing the attention on what he had to say. “I don't suppose you girls want to sleep on the couch... Feisty, you can share my room, and Eponine you can share Liam’s.” My heart fluttered. I get to share a room with Liam. Eppy, stop it. He’s not dating you. He probably doesn’t even like you. It’s all fake. BE QUIET, VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD. Oh, that sounds weird.