CHAPTER FOURTEEN.
THIS WOULD BE A REALLY AWKO TACO MOMENT IF IT WASN'T CHAPTER FOURTEEN.
LET'S DO THIS POO.
On a side note, I wrote a song about a cowboy missing his girlfriend named Wilma for an assignment.
It's a really stupid love ballad that makes me pee my pants.
I AM AN AMAZING SONG WRITER OKAY.
Sorry for typos. I didn't edit this.
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Eponine's POV
Watching Sammi eat a cheeseburger was like watching Animal Planet.
You know what I'm talking about right?
Whenever the cheetah pounces on the zebra and brings it to the floor then it's just a big mess and the zebra's dying but the cheetah's just like 'NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM'?
That's basically Sammi indulging in food.
So attractive.
Do cheetahs even eat zebras?
I should watch Animal Planet more often.
Just kidding, I overly watch it already.
I HAVE TO GET MY WEEKLY DOSE OF TOO CUTE, ALRIGHT?
It's a show about kitties and puppies and I force Liam to come into my tour bus and watch it with me when we're on long rides to venues.
So basically, I spend a good amount of time sobbing over baby animals stepping on grass for the first time while cuddling my own gigantic puppy of my own.
Are you jealous?
GOOD YOU SHOULD BE.
Back on topic, Sammi eating is like the eighth wonder of the world that no one would ever want to see.
Yes, you snog that burger, Samantha.
I feel like I'm the Wizard of All-Knowingness on this tour.
I just find out about everything.
That's why my hair's so big.
It's full of secrets.
I MAKE MYSELF LAUGH WHEN I QUOTE MEAN GIRLS.
The tour bus hit a bump which made Sammi's burger have a collision with her face again.
Collision's a really cool word when you think about it. Coooolllisshhhhionnnn. No? Just me?
Okay, fine.
She blinked like a cute little surprised puppy, holding the burger in her hands. There was melted cheese and ketchup on her face like a mustache which made me throw my head back and laugh really like a mutated seal baby.
Samantha is one fine muchacho.
I think I just called her a boy.
I'm rubbish at Spanish.
I grabbed a napkin off the table and leant forwards to wipe off Sammi's mustache.
"There you go, baba." I laughed. She went back to her cheeseburger snogging.
And then Miss Sneaky McSneakers walked in with a huge grin plastered on her face, looking down at her iPhone.
Remember eight months ago when we couldn't afford a single pretzel? Good times.
"Who are you texting, babe?" I asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow at my home chica.
Hashtag suggestive eyebrow raising.
She looked up at me as if she hadn't even noticed I was there, then she turned the color of a stoplight and sat down besides Sammi. "No one."
YOU ARE READING
Payne in the Ass
Fanfictionthree girls. five guys. bad jokes. one awful parody. "I seriously could not put this book down." -A person whose hands were glued to this book, even though it's impossible considering this is virtual. "The best wattpad story I've ever read!" -Somebo...
