Happier

Future

As you sat across the bar surrounded by your friends laughing, I wondered weather you have thought about me for the last fifteen years I've been gone in your life. You looked happier, more happier than you were with me.

I'm glad, I thought, I've always wanted to see you happy. I never wanted to see you so distraught from what I did fifteen years ago. As I slid to stand from the stool I was sitting your eyes collided with mine. They seem to widen for a fraction of a second but I had no time to think of it for I was already heading to the back exit of the club. As I got outside, I sighed in relief of the cool air helping me to regain my senses. That was close, as i started to walk to the main road, I heard the exit door opened and closed but thought nothing of it. Step, step, step

"Nikki!". I froze on the spot, only one person calls me that, fuck. I slowly turned around to see you there panting, your hands on your knees. I tried to clear my head, think Monique. I took a deep breath and looked at you straight in the eyes.

"Hello Yanni, how are you?" I tried to maintain the facade so you wouldn't know the ache that's throbbing within me. I know its been a while but I can still make out the familiar scent of your perfume that I loved so much, love so much, that once I couldn't get enough of and would bury my nose on your neck to inhale it, making you laugh. Stop, now is not the time.

You seemed perplexed by my distant approach but nevertheless you still managed to smile. "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while" Good fucking lord, I cant take this, I need to leave before I do something utterly stupid again.

"And it was supposed to stay that way" I said blankly looking at you I missed you, so much, I'm sorry. I nev- enough. What's done is done, I thought. You looked surprised for a minute before your expression turned somber, godfucking damn it to hell way to fucking go Monique. "I see, you haven't changed much, have you?" she murmured.

I sighed and that's when I caught the slight glint of the ring on your left hand, shit. Fuck, fuck

"I see a congratulations is in order" you looked up and that's when you finally realized where my eyes are and you tried to hide your hand. Too fucking late.

You're too late Monique, you're 15 years fucking too late. Walk away.

"It's good to see you Nikki" she smiled, ignoring your statement, I took a step forward breathing heavily. One step, two, three, your smile faltering. Until I am only inches away from you. "Are you happy?" you seemed shocked by the question, eyes glinting with doubt.

"Yes, as happy as I can be" step, I can feel your warmth now, we're almost touching, with no space barely left. "You know that's not what I meant" I whispered while putting my hand softly caressing the side of your face. God, how I missed touching you. "Look at me Arianne" your eyes drifted to connect with mine and there I see for the first time, that you were indeed happy.

"Yes, I am happy" then I let go, taking a step back.

"Wha-"

"That's good" I abruptly said, setting a safe distance between us. "That's all I ever wanted" smiling at her that didn't quite reached my eyes. As I turned to walk away, I was stopped by the next statement that came from her mouth.

"Did you ever loved me?" it was barely audible, but it was enough for my blood to pound in my ears. I turned slightly to look at her on the verge of tears. I swallowed the lump in my throat. For once Dom be honest with her, set her free. I turned slightly to look at her again. I smiled the best I can.

"I never stopped, my sunshine" then slowly as if my feet were carrying me away from her, blocking the silent sobs that's coming from behind me. I parted ways from her, hopefully for the last time.

The further I got away, I stopped on the sidewalk, looking up at the dark sky, clouds covering the stars a tear sliding down the side of my face. I wish you happiness, I thought then continued to move forward, it's all I can do right now.