Fallen || Mattia Polibio

17. the truth

my knees were to my chest and my head was in between them while i sat on the park bench. i was just watching the sunset but it was dangerous at night,

you're locked out of the house and a bit under the influence . where are you gonna go.

i decided to walk to Mattias house since it was close, i wasn't thinking straight but it seemed like a safe thing to do right now. when i got there i just sat on the curb. shortly after, he came out, i'm guessing his mom saw me.

"what are you doing" he asked from his porch.

i stood up and faced him "my dads dead..." i lifted my hands and then let them hit my legs. "my sister called me last month to tell me. oh and uh" i laughed, "she told me my mom tried killing herself" he was speechless, i nodded. "yup, and there's nothing i can do, can i go home and save the day? no! ha, what good will that do" a tear slowly fell from the corner of my eye and creeped to the edge of my chin."he uh, left me a voicemail, i think it's from before he you know" i squat down on the floor and just hold my head, it was throbbing and i was just in pain.

i look down at my shoe and it was untied.

| flashback |
"amore mio, come, let me tie your shoe"
i look up and see my 7 year old self run to my dad with an untied shoe, like a dumbass. he laughed and ties the lace.

"gazie papa" i smiled with my two front teeth missing then run off to the play ground
| end |

"baby" Mattias voice echos in.

"huh" i look up at him standing in front of me. "um, i'm gonna" i point in a random direction and start to walk.

"ba- Allie" i just ignored him and kept walking, staring at my converse hit each crack.

i stopped and just stood there. i looked up to the sky and take a deep breath. i turn back to Mattia. "i'm so, so sorry" i break once again. "i treated you like shit, you were only trying to be there for me" he just looked at me.

"i'm sorry"

after a minute he spoke. "come here" he opened his arms. i walk to him quick and just wrap my arms around his torso. "give me your phone" i handed it to him and he opened the voicemail, "i'll be right here" he said before hitting play on my phone.

"hey amore, it's your dad, i just wanted to call to see how you're doing, it's been a while, maybe you can come visit this weekend and we'll go out to eat or something, we have your bed set up and everything. i also wanted to let you know how proud i am to be your father, you never disappoint me baby, i love you Allison, alright, Ciao...how do you end this thing, ah okay there" *dial tone*

i was silent
"he never understood a touchscreen phone" i say emotionless. i take my phone from Mattias hand and throw it onto the floor. "how does someone just die like that!"
i look up at the sky, "he did nothing but love and work hard for his family and you decide to take him! just like that, taking everything else i have"

i look up at Mattia
"he left me"

i look up again
"you left me, why did you have to fucking die?! why couldn't you have stayed home ! why were you so stupid? WHY DIDN'T YOU LIVE GOD DAMMIT. I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME! you won't see me graduate ! you won't see me go to college !you won't walk me down the isle! you won't hold your first grand child or any of the others! you won't be there for me !
why did you leaveme? ALL ALONE WITH NO ONE TO TURN TO. all i need is you and i don't have you with me"

i held myself and let myself feel the pain, Mattia came behind me and held me too.

"i'm gonna go" i say after a while of crying.

"it's late ju-" i then cut him off

"i'm fine, good night"
i look at him for a second.

"thank you" my voice cracks, i softly wrap my hands around him again. i take a deep breath as he hugs me back and rests his head on mine. i let go after a minute.

"bye"
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wowzerz, double update.