The East

THREE

“Sorry.” Leeteuk apologized before I could even react; I was still in a state of shock, I thought we were going to crash or something. His eyes became somehow calm, and after a few turns we stopped by a rest a convenience store. It was an odd looking one though, not your typical 7-eleven. Rather, the little store’s outside structure was made up of dark logs, making it look like a cabin. Beside the store’s entrance was a window and you could see the cashier in his uniform, bright lights, rows of snacks, a dimsum steamer, coffee vending machines, cold beverages etc.

Leeteuk stopped the engine and looked at me with eyes so weary and depressed, more depressed than my own. His eyes told a story though he hasn’t spoken a word. I could feel it, the way his eyes were so calm yet inside them hid heartache. Only the bright lights from inside the convenience store illuminated half of his face, the other half as a dark shadow.

“I told myself I was never going back here again.” He said silently, his eyes still gazed on mine. I could see half of his lips stretch into a smile.

“Well it’s too nostalgic, I couldn’t keep the promise I made to myself.” He continued. I was utterly oblivious to what he was saying, nevertheless I just listened.

“What promise?” I asked out of curiosity, he shook his head whilst taking off his seat belt. He didn’t answer my question yet; instead he opened the car door and stepped out. Leeteuk was acting very unusual.

He soon opened the passenger’s side door and held out his hand. I soon complied and we both walked into the convenience store. He bought a cup of coffee for each of us and headed out. Leeteuk spaced out too much; I just went where he went. I walked by his side.

I soon realized that next to the convenience store was the ocean. It looked so beautiful during the night time. The buildings on the other end of the ocean were silhouettes and the moon shone so brightly above us. The stars were scattered on the velvet sky ever so perfectly. The cold wind blew sending slight shivers. My fingers clutched on the warm cup of coffee. Leeteuk and I walked around the ocean. The sand was finer than the usual beach I used to go at. I glanced at Leeteuk, wondering what he was thinking right now. I wonder what was on his mind at the moment. Was he happy? Sad? Nostalgic?

I had no idea.

Leeteuk sat down and buried both of his hands under the cold sand. His eyes focused on the ocean. His expression was so blank, yet inside his mind was a whirlpool of thoughts.

I took three steps towards him and sat down, brushing my fingertips over the rough grains of the sand.

“It took me exactly 1 year and 7 months to forget.” Leeteuk began, grinning a bit. From the sentence, I could quite sense that he wasn’t talking about any event, any place, anything… he was talking about a person. I had a strong feeling about it. And so, I just listened to him once again.

“We’ve dated for 7 years and when the first week of Spring fell, I wanted to propose to her… Have you ever felt being in a state of excitement and nervousness? I’ve been in that type of emotional being for about a month or so. I just couldn’t articulate my thoughts in the best way. There were too much things I wanted to tell her, I didn’t know where to start. I’ve been racking my brain for ideas to make my wedding proposal for her in the best way. But unfortunately, the first week of Spring came… she broke up with me. My whole body felt numb, I felt like all the blood inside of me had been drained. When she finished that sentence, I wanted to let her repeat what she just said… But my senses struck back to me and my brain told myself that I haven’t misheard what she said. But sadly, my heart denied this whole situation. There wasn’t an argument after that; her decision was final, I had no say in it; it hurt me too much just to think about it. I just let her go. What kind of guy would I be if the one I have loved wanted to be free, yet I’ve been stubborn and wanted to still be with her… her staying with me, it was like restraining her from her happiness. I would be a complete jerk.” Leeteuk looked down and contemplated on his other thoughts. At first, I thought I was the only one who was going through a tough time. Leeteuk may have always showed a happy expression but there were times when the smile was only a mask.