I'm just being tolerated
They dont care about my feelings
They push me away yet get mad cus I'm "distant"
I'm not close to any family
Every family time is just "Mahsi time"
I cant love who I dont vibe with
They dont get me
They dont try to get me
They never helped me with my depression and never have
I have to do it alone
I'm tired of trying
Why is being there for someone you supposedly love so difficult for them
The one I barely know "deals" with me
She never tried to have a relationship with me
Shes only around to hang wit those that help her with everything
It's always about her
I dont get attention
I never have
Since I was a little girl I played barbies by myself
I watched movies by myself
I felt down by myself
So I learned to be happy being by myself
And they blame me for that
I try to get them to notice my feelings
But they didnt care before
And they bashed me for my feelings
So I cope with having no emotion.
Being numb
But they hate that about me too
I feel like the ugly step sister
That can't do anything right
Maybe that's wat I am
No one enjoys me
No one plays games with me they just play me like a game
No one watches movies with me but they watch movies with each other
I always felt bad for the odd numbers cus there was always an "odd man out" little did I know ever since I was five I WAS the odd man out
I don't look like them
I dont act like them
I dont wield their toxicity
I dont fit in
I try to pretend to be happy
But I guess I'm not a good enough pretender
I'm never happy enough for them
I'm never friendly enough for them
Everything I do that breaks my back for them just isnt enough
So I try to escape
But they wont let me
Why
To continue the torture?
To feel better about yourself if i stay?
Soon it will only be my physical existence still here but not the inside
I'm becoming a miserable shell
That makes them even angrier
Even more annoyed
So they deal with me longer
It drags on
They throw me to my room but when I dont come back out they talk
They talk about me
About my "attitude "
My introverted nature
I wasnt born an introvert
I was actually quite loud.
I was made this way
By being shunned
Bullied
Constantly hated on
That's why I'm so quiet
That's why I keep to myself
That's why I hide myself
So selfish
With the new baby it's even worse
There's no time for me
No care for me
He doesn't even live here but it's like he lives in my mother's head
She erased me when he was born
But as soon as I could talk
When I could start remembering
She started erasing me
I wasn't given attention
I wasn't being bonded with
I wasn't cared for
I was just a burden
Always have been
Always will be
And so it led me to be an outsider
An outcast
At school
I have no real designation anywhere
I have nothing particular about me
Nothing special
There's nothing to me
Not even a soul
