Within ourselves is a dangerous place.
Think too much,
Learn the truth of our existence,
You are caught in the turbulence.
Our lives are set,
Adrift among the sea.
Believing in the colorful lie society portrays,
You are given a fantasy boat.
One where you remain oblivious.
But to the deep thinkers,
The ones who cracked the code,
We see through the glass bottom.
Suddenly, the boat is gone.
We are subjected to the crashing waves.
Some days, there's a calm.
We can tread, survive,
Get the little break we've been looking for.
Then the storm starts up again.
The broken boat bits slice at your arms,
More stitches are needed as the water turns red.
The thunderous sound of the music gets louder,
Our voices grow silent.
The more people leave,
The worse it seems to get,
The violent turmoil in our head only grows.
"The truth of life is close to hell."
~Imagine Dragons.
Our lives are lived in vain.
We try to find happiness,
But once you look at it a new way,
Our lives are just numbers.
How much money we spend?
How much money we earn?
How many times we've been in the hospital?
How much debt we're in?
How many times have we thought of suicide?
How many different therapists have we seen?
How long have we been in therapy?
How many people graduate from highschool?
How many people are unemployed?
How many people have committed?
How many hours we spend on a computer?
How long has this gone on?
How many have we talked to about our problems?
How many times have we spilled our guts to others?
This list goes on and on.
The only reason we are to live,
Is to make someone else more money.
Pay everything off, they get their money.
Debt takes your house and car away.
Money is the only thing they focus on.
They try to chase away that truth with the illusion of love.
But let's be honest,
Who would bother to stick around us?
Even children know to toss aside the broken things,
Go for the perfect ones instead.
Very few try to fix the damaged toy.
And when it looks hopeless, they give up.
Nobody will want to stay around someone who's constantly depressed.
It drags them down,
And it's completely logical for them to leave.
They don't want to be swept in the riptide while pulling us out.
Much safter to leave us on our own.
"The truth of life is close to hell."
If you look at our liives,
We try so hard.
In the end, we die anyway.
What do we do with our lives?
Unless you're rich, you will most likely struggle.
Money makes the world go 'round.
Why have depression rates gone up?
Why have more poeple dropped out of school?
Why do more people contemplate suicide?
When people go home,
Some are abused, get drunk, do drugs.
Cut, burn, try to O.D. on pills.
There's no problem, right?
Not until we try to go through with it.
Why can't I just go?
Why?
There's nothing for me in this life.
I don't have a future,
So why do I continue to fight?
........
I know why.
Sixteen, I can drive a car.
Winter is always full of ice.
When December rolls around,
After I get a car.
I'll be gone.
Maybe I'll run again,
Maybe I'll throw myself off the road.
Nobody, give or take a few,
Will actually give a shit.
Maybe I'm just waiting to meet some people,
Be it Maddy, be it Susan.
Maybe I'm staying for Sarah.
Maybe I'm staying until I can go, alone.
I don't know anymore.
My mind is a confusing maze,
Thoughts are jumbled together,
I can't think straight.
Sometimes it seems like a good thing,
Other times, not so much.
Up and down look the same.
I'm not living at this point,
I am merely existing long enough,
Until the promise of my sixteenth birthdat comes.
When I get the promised car,
I'll be long gone.
If not,
I'll just take another one.
It'd be a shame if that burden was placed on a stranger though.
