Uncovered - H.S

Twelve. Shower Thoughts.

Play "From The Dining Table" - Harry Styles.

Eventually I did end up going back inside last night, adding Harry's almost worn off number to my phone from my hand as soon as I entered through the door. I'd completely forgotten his italic penmanship was still inked out across my palm, looking as messy yet as pretty as the first day I saw his note taking in class.

I didn't want to seem ungrateful so I knew I should at least send him a thank you text for helping me massively yesterday, but no matter what I did, I couldn't seem to click the lit-up lettered squares to write one simple message to Harry. I've been debating what to say ever since he became a new addition to my very short contact list, the most important one on there being my Mother.

That was another thing that racked my relentless brain as I turned on the cool metal handle, allowing the warm water trickle out the shower head. It was the blatantly obvious concept that I pushed him away, and yet he still ended up having a place on my contact list. I knew it didn't seem like a big deal, but I overthink more than I should, and having his number could mean a lot of things.

Like I knew for sure it wasn't one of those romantic gestures, it wasn't flirting or a pick up line, though I didn't mind, I wasn't expecting anything from that type of field anyway, plus he's just above the term of being a stranger to me. But why give me the ability to contact him, when we didn't know anything about one an another, he couldn't possibly... care could he? No of course not, I just inconveniently landed into what he thought was his responsibility.

Which reminded me of back to only a few days ago in the music room hallway, and that I still had the same reasons for trying to get him to not bother himself with me. The main reason being that I was undeniably complicated.

But the urge to get him away kept lessening the more I got to experience him being close and by my side, I was so used to being alone that someone who didn't listen to my warning signs to back off was taking me by surprise, and I couldn't figure out if it was a good thing or if it was consequently dangerous.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I undressed from my sleepwear and stepped under the water, untying my messy bun I had thrown it into on my way to bed last night. Then I closed my eyes and allowed myself to think more about the situation.

Complicated means that I don't let people in, my heart aches at being alone but it's the only pain that reminds me that I can still feel something, that I'm not just an empty void. However, witnessing what this curly haired boy does to me without even trying is worrying, because I no longer feel unbearable pain when he's there. I also find myself wanting to take away the sadness in his eyes, like he effortlessly succeeds in doing with me. In the short time I've known him, he'd managed to slip through the cracks of what I thought was a sturdy wall that I had built for myself, and also ended up being the one to decide the chess piece's next move on the board game titled 'my life'.

I didn't know this said game of his and I didn't know the reasons behind his actions, but I knew I was already driving myself crazy thinking over it. He was destroying my way of thinking, my guilt-ridden routine I had going, making me already feel things I didn't deserve to feel. So yes, that's what has been going through my mind whilst summoning up the courage to send him a simple thank you text.

As I stepped out from the water, soft piano music that I had left on drifted through the hallway, making its way to my ears once the loud sounds of the shower had been turned off. I smiled slightly, looking down at the small puddle of water that had gathered by my feet from not drying myself off yet. Piano gives me calm in times of chaos, and even though it hurt my heart to listen to it, the comfort it brought me exceeded the pain in times like this.