Miss Denmark

disastrous

He had fisted his hands in his pockets.

This I wouldn't have guessed we would argue about.

Alexander took a step closer to me. "I can't change that part of me," he said quietly.

"Mostly you're doing great," I said.

"Mostly?" He asked. "Is it fine that I'm constantly thinking about how I say things because I know you'll tell me if I say it in a way you'll find demanding?"

"How else will you describe the word 'come'?" I asked. "It's said as a statement, and I'm seconds from standing just because you say it."

"It's not my intention to control you," he snapped

"What did Cecilia mean when she told me to break up with you before you got too controlling?" I asked.

He took several deep breaths. "I was jealous. Insanely jealous. And possessive in an unhealthy way," he said, his voice dangerously low. "That was controlling. Yes, I regret it, I'm working on it, but the things I say to you? It's not meant because I want to control you or don't trust you. It's the way I am."

"Hypothetically," I said. "If we were together? Wouldn't you trust me?"

That one hit him like a boomerang to the face. His eyebrows dived down, putting his eyes in shadows.

"You wouldn't trust me," I stated quietly. "Why?" I asked gently.

"I don't know how to do that," he said.

Talk about a bucket of cold water to the face.

He loosened his fisted hands in his pockets. "I'm working on it, Christina," he said quietly. "And I'm really trying. But it was a constant in my head, every time we were together, I was worried she'd leave."

"A relationship only works if both parties trust one another," I said quietly.

He looked past me. "I've told you I've got issues," he muttered.

Obviously. Even in my wildest imagination I hadn't imagined it would hit me this way. That he couldn't be in a relationship because he didn't fully trust his partner. That...

I had had a boyfriend once, and I had been a little jealous if he'd given another girl a lot of attention. But I'd trusted him. It made it possible for me to have a great time with my girlfriends, while he had a great time with his friends. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have been able to let him go out with his friends, because I'd fear he'd find someone he'd love more than he loved me?

"So, when you were in a relationship with Cecilia, was she able to do anything if you weren't there?" I asked.

"Yes!" Alexander snapped. "I am jealous and possessive but I'm not a fucking asshole."

"No reason to be mad," I said quietly.

"I was having troubles with it."

"So much trouble that she stopped going out?"

He looked at me like his self-esteem about this topic was very low. Or, he just didn't look like he enjoyed this... this way of being.