The baritone voice of his team leader Kyung-joon startled the soul out of him. He nearly dropped his smartphone, and the microphone attached to his ear quivered as he made a quick turn to face his matyeong. [a]
"Is everything okay, Soon-jae?" Kyung-joon's face was a mix of exhaustion and brotherly concern. A drop of sweat fell from his jagged silvery hair.
Kyung-joon is really a good judge of character, Soon-jae thought. Despite being supertired, their team leader still manages to check on the members. Their group just finished their energetic performance in Music Bank'sstudio to the audience's loud cheering. They are now resting in their designated dressing room, sitting on soft couches and relieving their onstage moments. It was a great time singing their hearts out and dancing to the pounding beat of their album's lead single—an EDM/hip-hop hybrid—while listening to their names being screamed by their fans in perfect harmony with the song. Winning is great, but the support of their fans is quite enough.
For a moment after the performance, Soon-jae shared these sentiments of thrill and contentment with his co-members. But as they entered the dressing room, his attention was diverted to the text message he had been keeping for days in his phone. He took a seat across the sofa where most of his co-members hanged out, and opened his messenger inbox. A series of messages—his messages—revealed itself to him.
Hey man, are you okay? —
Are you okay, really? Please reply me soon. —
Jay Cris? —
Sliding these messages down to reveal old ones, he reached and reread that one text message that haunted him since it arrived in his inbox.
— I'm sorry, Soon-jae. I'm really sorry. I just realized we can't be friends anymore. I don't deserve to be friends with you. I'm sorry that for the nearly 13 years we've been best friends that I have to do this to you. I'm really sorry. I thought, I've had enough of this. I can't let myself be a fool and let myself be hurt again. I guess I have no choice but go back home. Thanks for everything, Soon-jae.
What happened? What did I just do? Why should I lose my best friend now? Soon-jae is clueless. When Kyung-joon found out what he is doing behind his bros' backs in their dressing room, he is just as clueless: how do I tell him?
"Nothing important," he lied.
"Are you sure?" Kyung-joon's voice became more concerned.
"Really."
"Truth be told, I saw everything. The text."
Soon-jae was floored. He blushed in mixed emotions.
"I-I'm sorry if I intruded into your privacy," Kyung-joon said quickly, careful not to let the other hear their conversation. "I'm really sorry. But ... the thing is—"
"I know," Soon-jae sighed. "You're worried about me. I know what you're thinking."
Their teammates' hearty laughter temporarily broke the silence between the matyeong and his dongsaeng. [b]
"Can you tell me what it is?"
"Kyung-joon..."
"You know what," Kyung-joon sat beside Soon-jae and rested his arm over the dongsaeng's shoulder. "Iperformed with you guys, but my leg injury has not fully recovered yet."
Soon-jae nearly rose from his seat. "What? Why didn't you tell us? Our manager said you were okay."
"But it doesn't matter to me. Me getting injured? No problem with that. What matters to me is that I can do my best for our fans. But what worries me more than my injury? It's you guys. I can bear any injuries. When I struggle, I can definitely bear it. But I just can't stand seeing you guys struggle and have problems. Seriously, it pains me seeing you guys get hurt. I can't just do my own thing, and we can't just do our usual group works, without checking out on each other, if each one of us is okay, if each one of us is still holding out with whatever anxieties we're going through."
Soon-jae looked straight into Kyung-joon's eyes. They reminded him of Jay Cris even more. Those were the same eyes that had comforted him twelve years ago when he lost his mother in a great flood that ravaged his hometown in South Jeolla Province. Jay Cris was the first to arrive at the funeral and was the first to tell him to stay strong and move one with his life. I know your mom would wish that, he had told him. You still have your father. You have me. I promised your mom to be the best friend I could for you. And you know I'm a man of my words. After his mom's untimely death, Soon-jae had never found any set of two eyes as tender and comforting as Jay Cris'. Kyung-joon's were different, but they were enough to remind him that he is about to lose the thirteen-year friendship he has with the bearer of these tender, comforting eyes. Soon-jae looked away and a teardrop fell as he turned his head towards the floor.
When Kyung-joon saw it, the arm he had put on Soon-jae's shoulder weakened.
"Soon-jae..." the team leader took a brief glance to the back. The others were still immersed in their lively conversation. He tries to ease the dongsaeng of his pain. "It's your Filipino friend, isn't it? The one who taught you to speak Filipino and Waray. Your best friend since middle school..."
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ENDNOTES
Note: All Korean words used in this short story are romanized following the rules stated in the Revised Romanization of Korean(국어의 로마자 표기법, Gugeoui romaja pyogibeop).
[a] matyeong (Korean 맏형): (1) the eldest brother (of a male) among many brothers in a family; (2) in the context of K-pop culture, the eldest member of an all-male group
[b] dongsaeng (Korean 동생): (1) a person's younger sibling in a family; (2) word used to refer to or address in a friendly manner a younger person than oneself, e.g. a person's younger friend
