something i hold on to (viceion)

2: touch

(play media)

mostly, couples do prefer picnic in a park, watch in the cinema, eat in the restaurant where they first met, or simply have sex as their date. but not with marie and benigno, who are both gifted in playing musical instruments. marie, as for the piano, and benigno, as for the cello.

no words nor any other sound you can hear inside only but the instruments the two play as it is the couple's bonding. no obnoxiousness that is pain in the ears of a person.

"mon amour, i hope this won't end." marie whispered as they continuously play a melodious song composed by them.

"i will always be by your side. i love you."

their eyes locked as if they're not focused in playing each others' instruments, as if they're in a room unexposed from any worldly interactions. he gazed upon her lips, so glossy, a thing not to share with others. her eyes, of course, a thing he won't skip to look at, she's just... gorgeous.

"happy anniversary to us."

-

"time of death, 1:43am"

she blankly stared at the highly-polished white floor whilst other people are talking to each other. the doctor came up to her, but the words are too vague for her to comprehend.. she already know.

unfinished with the doctor's sentence, without a life she said, "off you go.."

not a single tear she let escaped. it's a natural death. it's what she said to herself, "good thing it's a natural death, i won't accept if he was murdered or died in an accident. it's a natural death. plenty of time reserved to be with him until his last breath." she tries to cope up by saying all the words in her mind.

people do really have a time to finally realize who they have lost. but now is not the right moment for marie. she clearly knows where, and how to handle things in an appropriate time.

-

present day

marie went to work as a typewriter in newspapers. her workmate and friend, solenn, who is a french woman that can hardly speak english went to her, and said, "tu vas bien?" marie smiled a bit and said, "solenn, i said, english only."

solenn scratched her head and bit her lower lip, "oh yeah i forgot." accent can be distinguished that she really is a woman who comes from france

"but yes, i'm fine. thank you for asking, sol. you know what.. it's already lunch we can go out and i'll teach you some."

"yeah yeah good. that's nice of you, marie."

"you hella know i'm nice, lady from paris." marie jokingly said and they both laughed

they went out for a walk while holding their handy snacks, "je vois un oiseau?" solenn asked as she pointed her finger towards a bird.

"a bird." marie said

"yes, yes.. i see a bird."

"uhm.. clause?" solenn asked

"no. clouds. cloouuuuddss" marie said and it's a long time ago since she smiled showing her perfect, symmetrical teeth

"clouds?"

"that's right."

"now i see you smile, marie. un vrai sourire"

"now you're making me mad. english only remember?"

"ah yes ah sorry. i'm really confused, well.. i think i am getting the hang of it already."

"that's great."

-

9th, second to the last session of psychotherapy. every three days she always goes to her therapist to talk her feelings out, "the last time you went here, you were feeling... enraged? now, how are you doing?" the therapist asked

she smiled a bit and said, "you know the funny thing is, my younger sister.. anne.. she wanted to borrow benigno's cello, of course i said no. she can be so insensitive sometime.. well i-i understand. she's only 23, there's future that awaits her.. i'm kind of glad she is learning to play cello. wish i'd just give her some money for her to buy but yeah you know i'm broke.. i'm broke from all the money that i spent for his funeral." she fake laughed, "that was the money we were saving up for the next years.. for our future... funny where he is now, 6 fucking feat below!" she started to laugh like she had already lost her sanity. she continued laughing.. laughed and laughed until she gasps for oxygen. blank face has returned, now the room was filled with quietness, again.. room that all things can snooze..

"i wonder what's beyond our eyes.. maybe he's always by my side, as what he has told me.. maybe he cries with me as i cry in our bed. the only thing i have in my bedroom now.. nothing." she paused

-

she carries the cello and placed it in a chair where benigno always sits to play. a daily routine for her contentment. she plays the piano. at last, she's happy again.

she placed her fingers forming the right position and plays their anniversary song that they composed (play media)

she weeps, "what do i do without you?"

the sound of the cello in her mind began playing, harmonizing with what she's playing in her piano. the old flame of memories suddenly comes back. the wine at the top of the piano that is barely touched a while ago, already served its purpose. she imbibed. the bitter taste of wine complements with the ambience of the room, finally, it touches her palate, now goes through the dark cave, "what a treat." she uttered

what if the sound of the cello in her mind comes back to life?

while playing, the other sound felt real to her. the volume is getting higher.. and higher, "this can't be real." is she getting crazy? she doesn't even miss a single appointment with her therapist.

slowly looking back, there is a familiar yet silhouetted figure because of the partial ray of sunlight that enters the room. now the vision is clear to her, realizing that everything is real, but still unsure of.. she immediately went to this figure, without a word, without a consent, she hugged him.

"b-ben? you are real!" she blubbed, she can't understand what was happening, all she knows that he is finally back in her arms again. she cries hard for a fact that she feels him. he has a form. his skin feels a bit cold but is soft.

"don't cry.. i'm here now." he solely said