Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Twenty

   Your ears are ringing as you sprawl out in the hotel bed after the show. You don't even know what to think. You don't know why you decided to watch Jake's set, but you were completely blown away. The way he played, like he was pouring his entire soul into the music, was breathtaking, kind of haunting. You have no words to describe it.You never would have guessed that he was that passionate about anything. There's so much about him you don't know, but you want to find out. He's a mystery you're desperate to solve.

   Ugh, stop it, Y/N. You have a boyfriend. And you're supposed to hate Jake.

    You notice Chris letting himself into the room you and Becca are sharing. Cal wanted to share with you, but you weren't sure you were ready. Not with all these thoughts you've been having lately.

     "Hey," Chris waves to you. "You did amazing tonight."

   You smile as he sits beside you on the bed. "Thank you, so did you."

   "Those other guys, they're so amazing. I don't know how anyone can play like that." Chris shakes his head.

   It's weird to see Chris insecure like this. He has always always the most confident musician you know. "Everything okay, Chris?" You want to know where this all came from.

   "Yeah, it's just intimidating. This whole tour
is nothing like anything we've done. I'm scared I'm going to fuck everything up." That's a feeling you understand better than anyone right about now.

   "Trust me, I understand." You smile at him, wishing you could tell him everything, but he's Cal's best friend. There's no way you could vent without it ruining everything. "This tour is everything I've ever wanted, but, I don't know, it's so much harder to be out here than I thought." That's too vague, but that's as much as you can reveal to Chris right now.

   He nods. "Yeah, you're right. At least you have Cal, though," he smiles at me.

  "Yeah," I say quietly, almost whispering. "I should get some sleep." Chris nods and stands up from the bed. "See you tomorrow, Y/N."

   "Bye Chris, thanks for talking to me," you smile. What would you do without your best friends?

    "Anytime, Y/N," he smiles back and shuts the door.

     You lay back down for what feels like hours and wait for Becca to get back from exploring the city. She wanted you to come with her but you didn't have the energy. You hear someone knocking on the door and assume it's Becca. You get up and open the door, but the person who is standing there is definitely not Becca. When you look up it's Jake's eyes looking back at you. His eyes are glassy and he sways a little bit in front of you; clearly he's been drinking. He must have mistaken your door for his, why else would he be here?

   "What do you want, Jake? You know this isn't your room, right?" Your tone is colder than you want it to be, but it's all you can do to make him go away as quickly as possible.

   "I-I just wanted to see you," he drawls. Yeah, he's definitely pretty drunk.

   "Why?"

   "I just wanna tell you I'm sorry," he looks down. "I'm really fucking sorry."

     You finally meet his eyes. "I know, Jake."

   "Then why can't you take me back?" He stares at you, you can see the tears in the corners of his eyes.

    "Jake, you know I've moved on." You know damn well you haven't, but he doesn't have to know that.

   "I saw you watching me tonight." You bite your lip and look away once more.

   "I-" You stutter. How could he have noticed you?

  "What?"

  "I didn't know you saw me there," you feel the heat rising in your cheeks. "I didn't know you were paying attention to me."

   "How could I not?" He moves closer and brushes his fingers against your cheek. "I haven't stopped thinking about you, Y/N. I could never not notice you." He moves closer and you let him in this time. You let a sigh escape your lips as his hands reach your hair, and before you know it his lips are on yours. His kiss is familiar and you melt into it immediately. God, you missed him so much. Jake takes over your entire mind and you forget about everything else going on in your life. Nothing matters while he's with you. You wish you could have stayed in this dream forever but someone knocks on the door and you jump apart.

   "Hi, Y/N, and Jake," Becca smiles as she steps into your room.

   "I'll be going," Jake gives you one last glance before he leaves. The door shuts and Becca turns around and raises her eyebrows at you.

   "Was that who I think it was?" She gives you that look you know all too well, when she wants you to know you fucked up.

   "Yes, Becca, why?"

   "I thought you were over him!" She groans and walks over to her bed. "I told you he wasn't good for you and I was right." Her eyes are almost as piercing as her tone. You sigh and flop down on your own bed.

   "Well, I lied about being over him," you mumble into your pillow, but of course she hears you.

  "Y/N, if you dump Cal it could fuck up this whole band! They're won't even be a band anymore!"

   "You don't think I know that Becca? That's why i'm not dumping him."

   "Okay, but you can't lead him on either." She's standing in front of you beside your bed now.

   "What the fuck do you want me to do then?"

  "You need to figure out what you want."

"What I want is for the band not to break up."

  "Then you need to break up with Cal nicely, before you do something with your dreamy guitarist boy that you'll regret." She sits beside you now, and you force yourself to sit up.

  "Look at me." She turns my face toward her. "Do you still have feelings for Jake?"

   You nod. "Yeah, and I don't know what to do, Becca," you whisper.

   "You do what you feel is right, love," she wraps her arm around you. "I know you don't
want to hurt anyone."

   "Thanks, Becca." You wish you could handle your mistakes on your own and not need her to come and save you every time, but you're glad she's here anyway. Now you have to figure out what to do next.