Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Nineteen

You look around in awe as you step onto the stage. This venue is the biggest you've ever played in by far. Just thinking about the amount of people that will fill these seats later on tonight makes tour legs shake a little. You look over at your band mates. You can tell they're nervous too. It's your first soundcheck, and you're all desperate to prove how professional you are. You wait for the nod from the sound tech, and then look at the others, and take a deep breath and begin to sing. The music carries you to another place, and all your worries drift away from your mind. Your voice takes on a strength it hasn't had in a long time. You have to keep from crying as you pour everything you've got into this song.

•Jake's POV•
The last thing I wanted to do this morning was go to soundcheck but my manager forced me out of bed and dragged me here. Now I'm standing backstage, drinking a bitter, boiling hot cup of coffee, trying not to stare into space. My head aches as the music blares but I know it's not from a hangover. I didn't sleep at all, I lay awake overthinking instead. I wonder if she did the same thing. Probably not. She's moved on. She deserves to.

I drag my feet backstage to listen to her band soundchecking their set. I notice her at the front of the stage. She looks perfect, as usual, like when she's performing she radiates some kind of light, and she passes on that light to everyone else. God, being on this tour is going to be fucking torture. How am I supposed to handle seeing her every day and night and not have her? Why did I do this to myself?

3 months. 3 months and this is all over and I can move to a farm in the middle of nowhere and forget everything.

•Your POV•
"Holy shit, are we really playing for 10,000 people tonight?" Your breathing gets a little shallow just thinking about it. The show starts in 20 minutes and your stomach is in knots. You've never been nervous for a show in your life but this show is different. This time you know people are watching, that people actually care. Your performance on this tour could impact the rest of your career and that terrifies you. There's also the fact that Jake will be there, watching you every night, like he was doing at soundcheck earlier. You shouldn't still care what he thinks but you can't help it. You have someone else now, and he should be the only one that matters, right?

"Hey," Cal appears as soon as you think of him. How is he always there to pull you out of your thoughts when you need it?

"Hey," you smile and turn to him. "Are you ready for the show?"

He takes a deep breath. "I think so," he smiles. "As long as I'm with you I know it will all go smoothly."

"I could say the same about you," you squeeze his hands and gaze into his eyes until your manager calls you onstage.

"Shit, it's happening." Your heart starts to race.

"It's gonna be okay." Cal smiles at you and rubs your arms. He really is the perfect boyfriend. You were so stupid for letting Jake get as close to you as he did yesterday on the bus. You feel even worse when you think about the thoughts you had afterward. How could you still have feelings for Jake when the perfect guy is right in front of you?

"Let's do this." You and the rest of the band huddle around and wish each other luck. Next thing you know you're in front of more people than you've ever seen in your life. You're shaking but you still reach for the mic. Before you start to sing you glance backstage. There Jake is, his eyes on you. You push the thoughts of him out of your mind and begin to sing.

•Jake's POV•
"They're pretty good, aren't they?" Sam says next to me. I jump a little; I didn't even notice he was beside me. "Yeah, they are," I nod. They're even better than I remember them.

"Especially the singer, she's unreal, right?"

I laugh a little and rub my chin. "Yeah, she's pretty amazing." She still mesmerizes me with the way she sings. I stare at her again and forget that Sam is beside me.

"God, Jake, you never listen to me," Sam rolls his eyes and walks away. I feel a little guilty, but not as bad as I feel about how I've fucked up my relationship with her. Why do I do this to myself?

I hear the roar of applause that tells me their set is over. The band walks past me. I murmur my congrats to them and they sort of acknowledge me. I guess Y/N told them about what I did. When she passes by me I almost stop her but then hold back, it's not like she wants to talk to me anyway. I watch her walk away until it's time for us to go on. I sigh and run on to the stage, wondering how i'm supposed to focus enough to perform tonight. I strap on my guitar and strum a few chords. I glance over backstage, half-hoping to see her there; I'm a little disappointed when I don't. Josh screams his greeting to the crowd and that's when I know I have to pull my mind away from her. I start the opening riff of our first song and glance over one last time. Sure enough, she's standing there, watching me.