Pull My Trigger

Jack, Coke, And Cigarettes

I decided against sitting at the same table with the guys. There was a two-table buffer between them and the booth I sat in. I could keep my eye on them but still ignore them when I wanted to. Being at the strip clubs with them always made me feel strange but Mick deciding to join them made it even weirder. He normally stayed back at the hotel, which was where I wished I was.

The partially dressed women made me self-conscious about my body. I did not look anything like a single one of them. I carried my weight on the lower half of my body, resembling a bottom heavy hourglass or a pear. These women were all thinner with large breasts, toothpicks with tits was what I referred to them as.

"Can I get you anything, a lap dance, a drink?" A woman in a reflective red bikini asked. I smiled embarrassed and shook my head. "Just a drink please, Jack and coke no ice" I replied. Nikki whistled at the woman to call her over to the table. I sunk back into the booth ashamed to acknowledge that Nikki had been snorting cocaine off tables and strippers bodies.

"Here you go sweetie" The woman said startling me slightly as she sat the glass down in front of me. "Thanks, sorry about those idiots. I would say the mean well but they really don't, they do tip well though" I said nodding my head towards the men that were my responsibility. The woman looked at them before turning back to me. "You're with them?" She asked. I nodded as she smiled.

"Unfortunately I am" I mumbled against the glass before taking a long drink. "I'm Star. We don't get many women in here. Is one of them your boyfriend?" She asked. I looked at Mick before shaking my head. "Nope" I bitterly said popping the word as I pulled my pack of smokes towards me. Star followed my gaze back to the men.

"Well you keep looking at the one with the long hair" She said handing me a matchbook off her tray. I struck a match before lighting my cigarette. I laughed relieved that Star hadn't called him 'the old one.' It seemed like everyone but the men in Mötley Crüe knew how I felt about Mick. "Is it obvious?" I asked once again embarrassed. Star smiled and squeezed my shoulder in response.

"Are you sure you don't want that lap dance?" She asked. I shook my head. "No thanks, I like them with a little more penis" I replied tapping the ash off my cigarette. There had been a time when I would have taken Star up on her offer but I was past that now. "I'm sure we could find a girl like that for you" Star smirked making me laugh.

"That's not what I meant" I replied feeling my ears turning red from embarrassment. "I know, I just thought I would try to lighten the mood" Star said. I pulled out a few twenties and held them out for her. Star slid the money into her bikini top and winked at me. "I'll keep the drinks coming" She said before walking away. I relaxed back into the vinyl booth cradling my drink in my hand that still ached a little.

I took another big gulp enjoying the way it burned down my throat. If I couldn't get that warm feeling in my stomach again from kissing Mick, I would try to fill it with liquor. It wasn't close to the same feeling but it would do the job. I hated seeing him with those women. Five drinks in the depression started to kick in every time I looked at Mötley Crüe. I stubbed out the butt of my cigarette before shaking out the last one in the pack. A mumbled string of swears escaped my lips before I downed the last of my drink and lit the cigarette. With a little difficulty, I dragged myself out from the booth and walked over to the men.

"I'm going back to the hotel, I'm out of cigarettes and I'm sick of this place. We have to hit the road at noon so don't do anything too stupid you two" I said pointing at Tommy and Nikki. "I'm out too" Mick said before he followed me. I didn't really notice him until he stood next to me as we waited for a cab.

"I thought you'd stay with the guys" I said as the car pulled up to the curb. Mick shrugged before we climbed into the back seat. The ride back to the hotel was silent and a little awkward. "Can we talk now?" Mick asked as we stood in the elevator together. I had forgotten that he asked to speak with me before the concert. "About what? There's nothing to talk about" I mumbled as the doors closed. I wasn't in the mood to speak to him, not after seeing him ogle at strippers.

"Astrid" He firmly said making me turn to look at him. "Mick" I replied copying his tone. "Fuck you" He said before roughly kissing me. It shocked me for a moment but I quickly kissed him back. I tangled my fingers into his hair before lightly pulling on a handful of black hair. Mick laughed against my lips as he backed me up against the wall. His hand roamed down my side before resting on my lower back. He pulled away as the elevator doors opened leaving me confused still in the elevator. The moment could have continued for a while and could have carried into the room, but he was trying to make a point.

"See you tomorrow" Mick said before I walked after him. "What the fuck was that?" I asked following him down the hall. He stopped at his room and smirked at me. "We're even from when you walked out on me earlier in the middle of us making out" Mick replied. He placed his hand on my hip and kissed me deeply once more. "See you tomorrow" He repeated before leaving me alone in the hall feeling a little turned on and angry. The game was still in full swing but I lost track of the ball until it smacked me in the face. So maybe Mick did know how I felt about him, only I wasn't sure how he felt about me.