you come first. (mattia polibio)

worry (part 34)

I nodded. The bell rang which meant that it is the end of lunch. I looked at my counselor and she said,

"You can stay here, don't even worry I will let your teachers know so they can excuse you"
"Thank you so much" I said.
"You're welcome. We can meet with eachother more frequently if you want to..." She asked.
"Please" I said.
"Okay, certainly. I do need to send an email to your mom, I have to tell your parents when you say that you want to hurt yourself" My counselor said.
"Okay" I said.
"I am going to recommend your mom a few resources for you so she can get you help too," My counselor said.

"Tell me, what goes through your mind when you want to hurt yourself, like what was happening in that moment when you punched the wall?" My counselor asked.
"I don't even know, something in my brain just told me to do it. I didn't even realize it happened until there was blood on my knuckles. I was just so mad cause my dad just came to my house and told me he was having a baby. I started yelling at him that he is selfish for wanting to mess up yet another child's life and then we both were arguing" I said.
"I can help you. We just need to figure out how to identify your anger when it is happening and how you can cope with it without physical or mentally hurting yourself..." She said.
"Thank you, I really appreciate that" I said.
"You can come to my office whenever you need to Luna. Thank you for coming to talk to me, thank you for trusting me" My counselor said.
"Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it" I smiled.
"Come see me tomorrow, if you are up for it. You don't have to but I am here if you need" My counselor said handing me a pass to class.
"Thank you again" I said getting up, taking the pass from her and putting my backpack on.
"Bye Luna" My counselor said.
"Bye" I said and walked out of her office and down the hallway.

I had physics now. I walked down the hallway to my classroom. I walked in 25 minutes late. I walked up to my teachers desk and handed her my pass from the guidance counselors office. I sat down at mine and Mattia's lab table.

(Mattia's Pov)
I sat down at our lunch table with Kairi. I talked to him as we waited for the rest of the guys to come sit down, as well as Luna of course. Eventually all the guys sat down. I looked over at Celeste's table to see if Luna was there, no sign of her there.
"Have you guys seen Luna?" I asked.
"No" They all responded.
"I'm worried about her..." I said.
"Why?" Kairi asked.
"Last night she was supposed to come over but she never did. Late that night I heard screaming and yelling coming from her room between and her dad. I texted her to ask if she was okay and she never answered. Today she just looked... tired" I said.
"Oh no..." Alejandro said.
"Her dad bro. He makes me so fucking mad" Kairi said.
"Same she doesn't deserve that" Alvaro said.
"I don't know what to do" I said.
"Maybe give her space?" Kairi said.
"Nah Kairi what you should talk to her" Alejandro said.
"Nevermind you guys are too confusing" I said.

The bell rang. Lunch was over. I walked to class. I had physics after lunch. I walked into the class and sat down at mine and Luna's lab table. The bell rang and Luna still didn't show. The teacher gave us questions we had to answer about high energy partial physics. I started to do the questions. About 15 minutes of class went by and Luna was still not here. I was getting really worried about her. I feel like this is my fault. I messed up in California and wanted a break. I shouldn't have done that. I need to be a better boyfriend, for her. That the least she deserves.

The door opened. I looked up and saw Luna walked in. Part of me was relieved that she is here safely but another part of me was worried as to where she was. She sat down after giving the teacher her pass.

"Hey can I have a pencil?" Luna asked me.
"Yeah, of course" I said rummaging through my backpack.

I found a pencil and handed it to her. She took it. I noticed that her hand was weak and bandaged up.

"Luna what happened?" I asked.
"Oh um" She hesitated.
"Don't tell me that's from jumping out of the car because you still have your cast in the other hand" I said.
"Something happened" She said.
"Like...?" I asked.
"It's um-" Luna started to say, examining her own hand, "I don't wanna talk about it..." She said.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
"I'm alright" She said with a disingenuous tone.
"Luna... I'm worried about you" I said looking at her.

She didn't say anything.

"I feel like I haven't been there for you. I'm sorry for that, truly. I'm always here for you, Luna. I need you to know that. You can talk to me. I'm your boyfriend" I told her.
"Thanks" Luna said.
"So tell me, are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm... fine" Luna said, obviously lying.
"Luna can you please just talk to me-" I started to say but was then cut off by our teacher saying,
"Mattia focus"

I sighed and resumed working on the questions.

(an: this is not about the story but my birthday is soon and i am sad cause i'll have to be stuck inside my house and i can't see my friends or do anything for it. i'm just gonna make myself a cake ig🤷‍♀️🥺)