Missing Moments

3x05

                             
Samuel couldn’t sleep next to Rebe. Knowing he’d ruined her life, his guilt was always looming over his head. But it wasn’t just about what he’d done to her mother.

He was using her to soothe his own pain and heartache, and he was currently experiencing a new level of self-loathing. He didn’t know why he hadn’t stopped her when she’d kissed him for the first time.

Not that it was an excuse, but Carla had just broken his heart for the hundredth time, and it felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was sad, angry, and confused. But then Rebe’d kissed him, and he jumped into it, without thinking about how it would affect her. And then the police contacted him and everything went even farther downhill. Samuel didn’t know how to tell her, how could he just sit her down and tell her, he was responsible for her mother’s imprisonment. Oh, and on top of all that, he couldn’t keep seeing her, ‘cause he cared about her as a friend, and it was unfair and selfish of him to lead her on. He couldn’t tell Rebe all of that, all at once, it was a lot for anyone to take in.

He was being a coward, he didn’t want - what felt like - his only friend to hate him.

He sighed loudly, opening the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water, before walking back to the living room, and slumping down the couch.

Carla.

Closing his eyes, Samuel let her invade his mind. He’d been trying so hard to keep her out all day, and now that he was alone, he finally let go of all pretenses and allowed thoughts of her to fire up his insides.

He was in love with her.

He knew that what he felt for Carla was something he had never experienced before, not with Marina, or anyone else.

But what was daunting, was the fact that he was sure he’d never feel that kind of love for anyone else. Well, not in the same all-encompassing way he had with her.

She was consuming from the start, everything with her had felt intoxicating, feverish, crazed. But it’d also felt grounded, peaceful, and real. So real, it was terrifying. It hadn’t been his plan to kiss her that day in the club, but he couldn’t stop himself, her burning proximity had caused wild abandonment to take over. And even though, he knew Carla had done it to play him, it was still mind boggling that she’d actually kissed him back, and then she’d proceeded to fuck him into an explosive, confusing, and overwhelming emotional tornado. He'd never forget what it had been like to touch her for the first time, to kiss her for the first time, the reviving shock that rushed through his system, the second his skin had come in contact with hers. His whole body had ignited with a need he didn’t think he was capable of feeling. He never stood a chance.

It was almost laughable, to think about how he’d thought he wouldn’t fall for her. That he could’ve had finished his quest, without his heart getting crushed in the process.

And he kept going back for more. Talk about fucking masochism.

His phone vibrated beside him, frowning, he grasped it with a huff. Who was calling so late?

Carla.

Samuel jolted up so fast, almost dropping his phone, his heart beating in his throat.

Was she really calling? Or did he actually think about her so much that he was hallucinating it?

He took in a shaky breath, tapping his thumb on the screen to accept the call.

“Hello?”

Nothing.

“Carla?”  Samuel could hear her breathing, and his, immediately picked up.

“Carla, please answer.”