Why?

xxxv

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was already 3:45 PM. Shet, I guess I have to inform Thomas that I'll be a few minutes late for our meet up.

"Hey. I just got out from class. I'm already on my way tho." I typed and then quickly sent.

It's okay. See you.

I walked faster and when I finally reached the coffee shop where Thomas and I were supposed to meet, agad ko siyang hinanap. He caught my attention when he waved a hand at lumapit naman ako sa table na napili niya. Good thing medyo tago ang area na 'to.

I placed my bag on the floor before I took the seat across him. "Sorry if I'm a few minutes late, bigla kasing nag extend yung prof namin." I said.

He shook his head sabay ngiti. "No worries. I ordered your favorite drink, I hope you don't mind."

Medyo nagulat ako dun but I did my best to control my reaction. "Thank you."

"I hope you still like coffee jelly."

Tumango naman ako. "Yup, that's still the best drink for me." Ngumiti naman ako ng maliit.

To be honest, despite the rough times we've been through for the past few months, I don't feel that much awkward right now. I mean, slight awkward but hindi siya ganoon ka obvious. Hoping that this is a good thing.

When our orders arrived, Thomas started the conversation by asking some catch-up questions. I know this is his way of getting comfortable in the situation we are currently in. I politely answered his questions. I asked him in return to make the whole conversation more casual.

"Hey, I know this talk is long overdue or may be irrelevant at this moment, but I want to thank you for coming." He said after taking a sip of his drink.

Ngumiti naman ako. "It's okay. This is the closure that we need. Now's the right time for this talk." I looked at him. If somebody would ask me a year ago if I'd easily let go of this guy, I'd probably answer them no. The person I was a year ago would have never thought that things would end up this way.

"Yeah right, closure." I heard him mumble. I chose to ignore that comment and waited for him to start talking. But when silence reigned, he let out a sigh. "I know I did you wrong. Cheating on you was form of disrespect. But I still want to apologize."

I can't help but feel sad again, the memories of the things I went through after I discovered his affair are still fresh. "I just want to know why you did it. We were friends before we got together, Thom. Just, why?" I asked.

Pain flicked in eyes. "I- I was an asshole. I knew you about your feelings for a long time back then and I chose to shrug it off at first. But when our teammates started pairing us together, I suddenly felt the need to take an action. When I courted you, I thought I'll start to like you romantically, but the transition was very slow. I just saw you as a dear friend that I don't want to lose."

Hearing those words from him hurt a lot because I saw him differently back then. I thought we were both happy at the beginning, but it turns out ako lang pala ang masaya. "You should have told me about your real feelings." I said.

He looked at me again with pain in his eyes and shook his head. "I'm not saying I didn't love you. It was just too late for me to realize how much I love you until you were gone." He sighed.

Despite the noise blasted from the shop's speakers, it seemed like the opposite. I don't really know what to say after his last statement. It's my first time to have this closure thing and I'm completely clueless on what to say next. But this experience is the perfect avenue for me to learn something new. I need to take the courage to clear the air between us para hindi masayang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. He was a great friend pa rin naman noon.