mattia polibio: my boy

heaven or hell?

i waited for a response.
i got none.
kairi and i were waiting for his dad to come pick us up. maybe i should just walk home and see if she's home.

kairi: my dad asked if you wanted to go get chick-fil-a before getting dropped off.

scratch that. i'll talk to her after i get some food. i was starving.

mattia: yes please

i know, i'm a fatass. ha.

kairi: damn, i cant believe summer's close. isn't lena coming over?
mattia: yup
kairi: do you guys plan to... you know

he made a '👉👌'gesture and i laughed.

mattia: we better. BUT if she doesn't want to then i'm completely fine with that. she's fine as fuck. like, hopefully at least some head. ya know
kairi: damn ok

his dad came to take us to chick-fil-a before dropping me off.

regular pov
take me to the rooftop

you were in the clouds. you were floating. everything was hazy. zero fucks were given. you loved everything. you loved yourself. you stood in the middle of your room, not moving. just enjoying the moment that it hit. you had no problems. but it was too good to be true.

i wanna see the world when i stop breathing, turning blue

and then all of a sudden, it was too much. shit. you were freaking the fuck out. you couldn't breathe. why were you breathing so slow?

tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious

💭fresh air. i need fresh air. 💭

leave me.... like you do

you went to open the window, the bruise michael gave you on your rib cage hurt. you tried to breathe in the fresh air but you couldn't. you collapsed.

💭fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i shouldn't have done that 💭

if you need me

you eventually rolled on your side.

wanna see me

you were trying to breath. for your life. you had to call nikki. you needed help.

better hurry...
'cause i'm leaving soon

you tried reaching for your phone, you felt so cold and clammy.

sorry can't save me now

you were so weak. you felt your own heartbeat. it was so slow.

sorry i don't know how

you began to cry. tears rolling down your cheeks. isn't this what you wanted? maybe you didn't after all.

sorry there's now way out

wait, where was your phone? it wasn't in your back pocket. it must be in your backpack, which was halfway across the room.

but down

you couldn't move. you were so weak. and you lay there hopeless, half dead.

hmmm down

💭just breathe💭

taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks

💭please god please don't let me die 💭

you felt so much weight on your chest. you were cold. so fucking cold.

that's what a year long headache...
does to you

you grabbed for the guinea pig plush mattia won you, which laid beneath your bed.

💭since when did it get there? 💭

and you held it, slowly closing your arms around it. your vision began to go blurry. you were stiff.

i'm not okay, i feel so scattered

you reminisced on the day you and mattia went on that road trip and took a pit stop at some nice nature area.

don't say... i'm all that matters

it was lovely. the vibe was all you could ever ask for. the love was there. the wind blew cool air onto you, mattia held you close on a bench.

leave me, deja vu

your lips felt so cold and chapped. your mouth was so fucking dry. more tears fell.

💭mom, dad, y/s/n.... 💭

if you need me, wanna see me

💭fuck. is this an overdose? or am i just really super fucking high?💭

you better hurry, i'm leaving soon

you remembered the first time you got high off of marijuana. you freaked out. maybe this was the same thing but with fentanyl. no it couldn't be. you couldn't even get up to get your phone!

you felt like you did at the dinner table last night. screaming for help but no one could hear you.

sorry can't save me now

your head hurt.

sorry i don't know how

you felt dizzy

sorry there's no way out

your eyes began to close and your breathing began to get slower. you were no ones business. and that's what was sad.

but down

no.

hmmm,
down.