A Twist in My Story

Chapter 6 : Hello, Fear

I twisted and turned, I tried to breathe in and out to relax myself, I closed my eyes shut, but it seemed that my body refused to sleep.

I tried to think of reasons why my system was acting this way. Maybe something I ate? No. Everything they have here is purely safe and made by the finest cooks. Maybe because I was in a new environment? Nah. I adapted easily, a trait my dad taught us since we didn’t have a stable home before. Was it because I wasn’t tired? Of course not. I was tired and dead beat. Well, who wouldn’t be after today’s events?

I ran out of possibilities. What was it that made me feel this way? As if this was my body’s natural way of reacting to whatever I was feeling. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I happy? No. Was I sad? Well, maybe. But, what was this exactly? I can’t quite figure it out.

I laid there in silence and it was only then that I noticed my heart beat. My heart was palpitating, and I was willing to bet that this was another effect to whatever I was feeling. What was this all about? Not knowing the answer was starting to piss me off. Then, it hit me. All this time, I was feeling this. From the day I turned twelve, the day I started to sign up for the tesserae, to this moment on. Yes, this was what I was sensing. This was dread, horror, terror. Or in much simpler terms,

Fear.

            This shocked me since I never admitted to fear ever since. In my childhood years, I was often shocked, ashamed, or humiliated, but never afraid. Or so I thought. I never welcomed fear for this was a great weakness, as my father always says.

“Fear will creep up on you and devour your whole system, until there is nothing you can do. You should fight fear, and if not, never show that you are afraid. Never.”

            What was causing this fear of mine? I thought. Being away from my family? The fact that I was being taken away to the Capitol? Or was it because I was never quite sure of myself that I have counted myself out of victory? Or maybe because I was afraid of the other tributes and what they could do?

            Were they so strong that they could tear me apart limb by limb? Were they so smart that they could lure me into a trap that could cause me my demise in the arena? Were they so fast that in a blink of an eye, they could send me to my grave? If so, how was I going to win? How would I survive if this was the situation? I would I fight my way to victory? And lastly, how do I kill every single one of them, knowing that they haven’t done me harm in their will? I weighed down the possibilities again. Then, again, it hit me.

            I smiled. How stupid was I to not think of this first? I was too busy thinking about my opponents, the other tributes, and how I shall fight them in the arena for fear of losing, that I forgot the most important thing that I needed to fight. Fear itself.

- End of Chapter 6 -