Wonder Woman ✧ T'CHALLA¹ [✓]

26 - Smaller Asgard, Bigger Thor

Thor was shirtless, but his stomach was huge and fatty; he had definitely put on more than a couple of pounds since they saw him last. His golden hair was long and matted, and his beard was just as bad. He was barefoot and wore sweatpants, which weren't doing him any favors.

"The Cinemax ran out about two weeks ago, and the sports were all kind of fuzzy," Thor went on, grabbing a beer.

"Thor?" Bruce asked.

That was when Thor finally noticed the three standing there, and he cracked into joy. "BOYS! Oh my God! Its so good to see you!" Turning to Rocket he tried to hug him as he added, "Come here, you little rascal!"

"No, I'm good," Rocket said quickly, pushing him away. "I'm good. That's not necessary."

Thor looked to Diana, cocking his head. "Princess?"

Diana smiled and nodded. "Hello, Thor."

He smiled widely, tipping his beer to her. "Good to see you, too." Turning to Bruce, he said, "Hulk, you know my friends, Miek, Korg, right?"

Diana turned, surprised to see two aliens sitting on a couch, PlayStation controllers in hand, playing Fortnite and eating chips. One was a large man made entirely out of rock and was wearing Hawaiian print shorts. The other was a tiny purplish-pink alien with multiple legs and arms as well as pincers on its mouth.

"Hey boys!" the rock man, Korg, greeted to Bruce and Rocket. He glanced at Diana and added, "And lady."

"Hey guys, long time no see," Bruce replied.

"Beer's on the bucket," Korg said. "Feel free to log on to the Wi-Fi. No password, obviously." Then, he went back to his game, and after a moment he said, "Thor, he's back. The kid on the TV that called me a dickhead again."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon?"

Thor nodded. "NoobMaster."

"Yeah, NoobMaster69 called me a dickhead," Korg said.

Thor walked over to Korg before he took his headphones, then spoke into the mic. "Noobmaster? Yeah, it's Thor again. You know, the God of Thunder? Listen, buddy. If you don't log off this game immediately, I am gonna fly over to your house, come down to that basement you're  hiding in, rip off your arms AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR BUTT!!!" There was a pause before Thor taunted, "Oh, that's right. Yes, go cry to your father, you little weasel!"

"Thank you, Thor," Korg said gratefully as Thor handed him his headphones.

Thor nodded. "Let me know if he bothers you again, okay?"

"Thank you very much. I will."

"So you guys want a drink?" Thor asked the group. "What are you drinking? We have beer, tequila, all sorts of things." Then he quickly used Stormbreaker to open a bottle of beer and started drinking.

"No thank you," Diana said, shaking her head.

Bruce walked up to Thor and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Buddy, you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine!" Thor assured him. "Why, don't I look all right?"

"You look like melted ice cream," Rocket said, his voice full of concern.

Thor simply laughed. "So, what's up?"

"We need your help," Diana told him. "There might be a chance we could fix everything."

"What, like the cable?" Thor said, then burped before he added, "Cause that's been driving me bananas for weeks."

"Like Thanos," Bruce told him.

Thor's smile slowly disappeared at Thanos' name. Then, he put a shaky hand on Bruce's shoulder and pointed at him. "Don't say that name," Thor said.

Korg stood up and took off his headphones. "Um, yeah," he said, "We don't actually say that name in here."

"Please take your hand off me," Bruce said quietly, brushing Thor's hand away. Looking at Thor sympathetically, he began, "Now, I know that... guy might scare you."

Thor let out a dry laugh. "Why would I be? Why would, why would I be scared of that guy? I'm the one who killed that guy, remember? Anyone else here killed that guy? Nope. Didn't think so." Turning to Korg, he said, "Korg, why don't you tell everybody who chopped Thanos' big head off."

"Umm... Stormbreaker?" Korg said as Thor walked across the room.

"Now, who's swingin' Stormbreaker?" Thor asked.

"I get it," Bruce said to him. "You're in a rough spot, okay? I've been there myself. You wanna know who helped me out of it?"

Thor rolled his eyes, smirking as he said, "I don't know. Is it... Natasha?"

"It was you," Bruce told him. "You helped me."

Thor walked over to the window and looked out of it, still holding his beer as he pointed outside. "Why don't you ask the Asgardians down there how much my help was worth." He dropped onto the sofa, then muttered, "The ones that are left, anyway."

"I think we can bring them back," Diana said.

"Stop," Thor said quickly. "Stop, okay?" He opened a packet of M&Ms and went on, "I know you think I'm down here wallowing in my own self-pity, waiting to be rescued and and saved. But I'm fine, okay?" He looked at Korg and Miek, who were eating pizza and playing their game once more. "We're fine, aren't we?"

"Yeah, all good here, mate," Korg agreed.

"So, whatever it is that you're offering," Thor said, "we're not into it, don't care, couldn't care less. Goodbye."

"We need you, pal," Bruce said, trying to convince Thor to come. But Thor shook his head and ignored him.

Rocket crossed his arms, obviously unimpressed as he stared at Thor. "There's beer on the ship."

Thor paused, but didn't look up. Then, he put his beer bottle down. "What kind?" he asked.

Diana couldn't help but roll her eyes, also unimpressed by his reaction.

Of course it would be alcohol that got him to help.

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✯ A/N: this is one of the funniest scenes in endgame. fight me. you can.

i'm really gettin stoked for what's to come, but also terrified because that means i have to go through what happened to Nat again...

~uraza