Star Wars: Edge of Hope

Chapter Thirteen: The Heart Of A Rebellion

Leia sat in her quarters and lovingly caressed the medal letting the memories it contained wash over her. She pulls each image in and looks at it like a treasure far too precious to part with. She hears the sounds of happiness and love, of contentious arguments quickly solved that almost always ended in laughter. She feels the comfort of his embraces throughout the years. She remembers the way his smile made it impossible not to fall in love with him. She had spent the better half of her lifetime falling in love every day. Now as she dipped into the Force for the strength to recall that love, it was more draining than it was healing. She couldn't stop herself though, from wanting to feel his hand in hers, of never wanting to be parted farther than her arms could reach. She was glad for the comfort of her memories, even if they cut her...she could still feel the love, and she'd never been a stranger to loss. She'd lived her life looking straight ahead because she never had any choice. There was always another battle, another threat, another group of people who needed her. But now...she felt alone standing in a crowded room...for the first few months after Han's death she tried, but couldn't block out the voices around her. Leia didn't have the trainingLuke did, the control. She didn't reach out to the Force living inside her for answers, she didn't depend on the Force so much as the Force depended on her. After the loss of Ben, Leia had begun to wish she could permamnently severe the tie. But then she would have lost...
The good...

"I happen to like nice men..."

"I'm a nice man..."

"No you're not..."

The earth shattering....

"I love you..."

"I know."

And all the moments from those till the very last. No one knew her like he had, from the very beginning until the last breath, and even then still...
She knew...

"You know, no matter how we fought...I always hated watching you leave.."

"That's why I did it...So you'd miss me."

"I do miss you. I miss you now...Always."

Leia had always done her mourning in private. War was not meant for hearts. Hearts are too soft and break too easily under strain. The way she had lived her entire life in the service of a cause, an ideal...a belief...had meant compartmentalizing the soft parts of herself off where the darkness couldn't reach them. And perhaps foolishly, she had thought as long as she kept them there they would stay safe. But wars aren't meant for hearts...they break...all too easily. Thinking back to Rey and the way she looked at her as she slipped away, half panic and half woe. The way Rey had whispered his name like she were begging a dream to become reality, like she was begging for a miracle. She was missing someone too. And like Rey, Leia understood how the time passing, all alone, cut off from him made Hope feel like the lie instead of the truth. Everythng strand of the thread that bound them all together was fragile and had to be handled so delicately. Or it would break...and she would lose not only her son...but Rey as well.

Chewie entered he stopped short of disturbing Leia as he sees what she's holding. It had been a long road Han and him had traveled together...now like another time from his past, Chewie was losing members of his family. And it made him fearful of what lay ahead for Rey. How much more can a person take before they have nothing left but to break. Leia and Han had torn at the seams of what had kept them together, only now did sorrow change into regret. So much lost time, so many unheard and unspoken words, and all because they couldn't find the strength to hold onto the one thing everyone needs to survive.

Hope.

Chewie: uggguh aaaaahnr aarrragghuuhw uuh uughghhhgh huuguughghh

Leia: Oh! Chewie, don't do that...scare what little life I have outta me. Alright, I'm coming. You know, you can call me Leia. I think we've known each other long enough and I haven't been...

Chewie: uuh aarrragghuuhw aarrragghuuhw uughghhhgh hnnnhrrhhh uughghhgh wrrhwrwwhw huurh aaaaahnr huuguughghg

Leia tucked the medal back underneath her pillows and walked over to Chewie for a Wookiee hug.

Leia: I love you, too. You big walking carpet! We gotta hang in there, Chewie. I have a feeling things...things aren't going to be the same ever again...I need your help with...with Rey. I need to know that if...when...the time comes..you'll take care of her. And Ben...for me?

Chewebacca knew she needed the peace and that's why he agreed. He couldn't deny her anything. She was family. And there wasn't anything she wouldn't do for him...or him for her. The bond he'd forged with Han, Leia, and Luke had grown exponentially over the last four years they'd been reunited. And now he had a promise to keep...And old promise that he had renewed...

"Chewie! This won't help me. Save your strength... There'll be another time. The Princess....you have to take care of her. Do you hear me?"

"I love you."

"I know."

Time had a way of catching up with all of them. It's why Han had decided to stay after seeing Ben again on Takodana. Running away isn't always an option, sometimes you had make a decision...and he choose his ending. It just wasn't the one he'd hoped it would be. Ben was the one thing Han had thought he'd managed to get right in his life, but when he left, the way he left. It had ripped a hole in not only his pride, but his sense of self. There was nothing he couldn't fix, nothing he couldn't handle...until Ben. He saw all the hope and promise for a better life, a better world in Ben. And perhaps that made him difficult to talk to at times or made him too protective. But it was all with the best of intentions, Han would have preferred for Ben to have the choice of what his life was going to be, but there was danger in not teaching him how to control his abilities.
It wasn't until later that the true consequences of the decisions would be made manifest in the fall of Ben Solo and the rise of Kylo Ren.

Leia made her way into the forward command center. The blue screens and chirping over the droning in of relays coming in from the scouts and outposts near their new base brought a nostalgic air for Leia. She could see the faces reflecting those of people long ago. She even could see herself in a few of them. The drive the determination...the need to be apart of something making a difference in the lives of those being crushed beneath the boot heel of the First Order.
Of her son.
Leia's guilt and feelings of responsiblity made the details of every operation, every covert assignment, and every piece of intelligence vitally important to her cause.
Saving the Hope of the galaxy.
And saving the last piece of her family, her hope...Ben.

Leia: Okay, what is it now? Have we recieved new communications from anyone?

Lieutenant Connix: We've just had a report that the First Order is headed to the Mustafar system. They're looking for something....

Rose and Leia's eyes meet as she walks away from the display of screens and read outs.

Leia: Mustafar? There's...there's nothing there anymore. That place hasn't been in operation since...

Maz Kanata: Since the days of the Empire. When the Sith were in control of the system...When Darth Vader used it as his personal base of operation in his service to the Emperor.

Leia felt a disturbance...a raking of nails down her spine. That memory. The face of her father, the name resurrecting destruction and shame. It was a part of her history. And now her son's as well.

Leia: We need to find out what they're looking for before he can find it.

Lieutenant Connix: He? General Organa? Who are you talking about?

Maz walked over and put her hand on Leia's arm trying to pull her back from the shadow of Darth Vader. And back into the light.

Leia: Where's Poe?