The Doctor Of War ³

Robots Of Sherwood pt.2

"I'm sorry?" the Doctor asks.

"Moan! Beat your breast. Moan. Groan as though twenty devils possessed your guts" Robin replies, I roll my eyes, struggling to unpick my chain on my other wrist.

"What for?" the Doctor asks.

"So as to attract the attention of that gargoyle-faced guard."

"It's your plan. You moan."

"No, no. No, it won't work."

"Why?"

"Oh, because you're clearly more advanced in years and you have a sickly aspect to you."

"I have a what?"

"You're as pale as milk. It's the way with Scots. They're strangers to vegetables."

"I'm not moaning. You moan."

"Fine. If you want something doing" Robin starts moaning loudly "can I rely upon you to do the rest?"

"Yes, yes, I know the drill" the guard speaks through the grill in the door.

"What is this din?"

"No business of yours, cur!" the Doctor looks to Robin "speak up. I can't hear you."

"What ails him?"

"None of your business" the guard enters.

"I said, what ails him?"

"Well, if you must know, he's having a nervous breakdown" I say, finally getting my other hand free without the guard noticing.

"A what?"

"He's like this whenever he's in any kind of danger. He just can't seem to cope. He gets so afraid. He goes into a kind of fit. I honestly believe that he may die of sheer fright, like some tiny, shivering little mouse. Oh, God, I think he's soiled himself" the Doctor says.

"Let him die. It will save us the trouble of executing him."

"And what will happen to the reward?"

"Reward?"

"Oh, God, I shouldn't have said that."

"Tell me!"

"He carries a vital message. The Prince has promised a bounty" I say.

"A big one?"

"An enormous one" Robin mumbles. The guard leans close to him.

"What's that? Say again?"

"Come closer. Your breath stinks like a serpent, has anyone ever told you that?" Robin head-butts him, knocking him out cold "soiled myself?"

"Did you? That's getting into character. Ok, keys" the Doctor says.

"I'll get them."

"No, no. I'll get them" I stand up watching the two.

"I'll get them. I'll get them."

"I'm fine, no, no worries. I've got them!"

"I've got them! I'll get..." they end up kicking the guard's keys down the drain.

"Well, there is a bright side" I say.

"Which is?" Robin.

"Clara didn't see that," the Doctor says.

"No" I reply, they both look at me as I walk to the door "since you are both acting like children you find your own way out of those chains yeah?"

"How'd you do that?" Robin asks.