Lately I've been adrift
Riding the pools of memories abound
Attempting to reach this land I once sought.
Yet, it's no longer in the now
And the trepidation I once brought?
Swims back into consciousness.
Where am I going?
What am I doing?
It's an aching,
Waking nightmare.
A gradual panic that feeds the brain and
threatens to devour all that I've gained
That I hold in vain.
Who am I?
What's important?
How can I make them happy?
Can I be happy? Eternally?
Isn't that the endgame of this pilgrimage?
Where we can all be happy, equally?
With a mission?
A well-being?
Success and achievements abound?
Yet, I'm stranded in this darkness
A proprietor to this sordid ordeal
One step forward, two steps back.
Do they know what it feels like?
This constant rotation of letting the good
Times roll right before the ball drops.
Right before that punchline is given.
Right before I am stabbed through the back
And gripe in pain.
Feinted with the grief that swims to shore
Begging to be drowned and suffocated with regret.
It stings all the same
And perhaps this is a metaphor,
An analogy
To what this is meant to be.
Maybe I'm in the wrong
That I'm playing Devil's advocate.
Slandering this field of hopes and dreams.
Disturbing the synchrony between eternal perpetuality
And hoping that there will be a holy grail to extinguish this unfortunate reality.
But, I should just go about it with my head held high
Take the jabs and stabs,
Turn those scars into perfected memories
And tilt those faded grins into the stellar smiles of the successful abound.
I should just play it,
Play it, like a game.
