All I know || 2seung

PART TWO // Three

Before the breakup // Seungwoo POV

For the few days after that little event, I had tried my best to return home however late it was. Sometimes the taxi fare would cost a bomb, but Seungsik's face was priceless. Each day I returned at almost midnight and then left the house before dawn. Seungsik did not seem to mind; instead he was delighted each day, getting me supper ready when I needed and he would make me coffee and small bites in the morning so I could have it on the go. But the good days did not last. Soon enough a big event was coming up and my calls started to come in. It was not possible to bring work home since I needed the computers in the office to get my job done, so the days of me staying in the office started again.

The next time I saw Seungsik at home was two weeks later. Things turned a little awkward this time. Seungsik did not get clingy on me like I expected him to. And in fact he was a little cold. But we still managed to have a meal together. Like he always did, Seungsik prepared a table of traditional Korean dishes. After staying the night, I had to depart to the show venue in the wee hours. And of course there was no way Seungsik would wake up that early to see me off. I was a little glad at that, since I was afraid of facing his coldness. I wondered all day if Seungsik was angry because I became busy, or he was just having a bad day.

That night, at the after party, Byungchan heard me out as I talked about the incident, and he reassured me that Seungsik was probably just having a bad day. He also suggested me to talk it out with Seungsik, but I was not confident to hear the answer.

"What if Seungsik says he was disappoint because I neglected him." I said, feeling down just at the thought of it.

"No hyung, I'm sure, very sure that it's just a bad day for him."

Byungchan was being kind with his words and he quickly brought the topic away from this and praised me for a better job this time. Though this kept me temporarily occupied, I started to recall how Seungsik acted the moment we parted. I spend that night at the office rest area.

And I did the same for the next few days until Seungsik said he would make dinner and asked me to go home. I thought that was a cute gesture and so I wrapped up my work earlier to head home that day. Seungsik was not as cold as the previous time we met, but I still felt very out of place sitting at the same table. The emotions inside me had acted up in a weird way because I felt like a guest in my own house, and Seungsik was serving as though he invited me as a guest.

The unfamiliarity was scaring me so much that I left home at the next call I got, using it as an excuse for my leave. But in fact, the piece of work was not urgent and I could wait till the next day to get it done. I did not stay long enough to see Seungsik's reaction. I left a peck on his cheek and fled, not forgetting to bring a fresh set of clothes. The majority of my formal wear were already stashed under my work desk in the office, I usually sent them to the for washing and had them collected by the office security.

The next time I shared what happened with Byungchan, he encouraged me to go talk it out with Seungsik. I thought it made sense, but I was afraid to upset Seungsik. I did not know how to ask him what was wrong, and what was the reason for his change in attitude. Maybe I feared that the answer would be me. I did not want to have the facts laid out for me that I caused Seungsik to change, and I caused him to become foreign.

Weeks passed, and we only exchanged simple greetings over text. Sometimes we did not hear a word from each other for more than a day. Finally, on a rare weekend without a roadshow, I had much less on hand that needed urgent action, I took the courage and headed home. I sat Seungsik down, and attempted to talk things out with him. I wanted it to be a peaceful conversation, but it did not go as planned. Seungsik lashed out at me, he brought up all the small fights and matters that happened in the past; he picked on my bad habits of leavings my belongings lying around the house and not cleaning up after myself. He sounded real mad, but all of a sudden he broke down. I was worried, and I tried to hold him. And that was the first time he pushed me away. When we quarreled in the past, he would calm down when I held him tight. And he would apologise, which I thought it was silly but I loved it anyway. I shed tears, but it was not comparable to his never ending tears that blurred his eyes. We sat side by side and remained silent for a long time.

Then came the interruption. This time it was not my phone, but Seungsik's phone that rang. His professor had called him in for a discussion. So he washed up and left. For the first time in this house, I was left behind. I felt lost. But I was not sure what for: the fight or Seungsik leaving first. I did not find a point to stay behind so I left, and met a few friends for some drinks. It had been a while since I had time for friends or social activities, so it felt really refreshing. Then, back to the office I went, as if it was my rightful home.