The Welting Chess Board

Loud Silence pt. 1

Music helps keep the train going at times.
It progresses the day and moves mountains.
The tunes I drown in make everything else leveled.
I blast my headphones louder than cannons.

Silence hurts my ears to the point my eyes burns.
My throat soon closes and the pain seeps into my fingers.
I don't know why it does this to me.
Without music, the pain lingers.

The volume of silence breaks downs walls and rips apart hearts.
It leaves nothing unscathed and destroys all pleasantries.
Nothing is as loud as silence.
With music, it's like time freezes.

These thoughts play on loop until I let go of it all.
Brown mud pools soon oozing clear liquids into hands too soft to hold life together.
Anytime I try to catch the tears, they slip right by me.
I only hope that I'll get better.

Once my river beads have dried I lay down and try to dream it away.
For a while it works until I'm reminded.
Retold of what plays in the frontal lobe while I'm awake.
But what else can I do besides show it kindness?

Getting rid of this part of me is impossible, I've come to realize.
There is no true separation now and never will be.
This side stays until the music comes though.
Through all the negativity, music helps me truly see.