Gintama: Yato Queen

52 | S2 Suspension

<Kagura>
And here I am, sitting across from Sougo silently as he just made tea for us when I decided to show up at his place without warning.

Aloof like always, he sat down and didn't say anything to me. Honestly, I didn't think he would let me stay to keep him company but just goes to show that he probably wants someone around.

I inspected his body language, uncomfortable but willing. I stared as dark circles and puffy eyes that seem like they've been through a couple of crying sessions. While I was facing him, he was turned to the side and didn't touch the cup of tea that he poured for himself.

"Sorry to barge in Sougo." I apologized, "got into a bit of trouble at school again." I awkwardly laughed because the air was so tight it was difficult to breathe.

"Ah! But don't worry, it was just a couple of guys being stupid bullies so I taught them a lesson. Well, Gin-Chan did scold me and said that I acted to rough and shouldn't have beaten up-." My words came to an fading stop when I noticed that Sougo still wasn't comfortable yet.

I shouldn't force it right? It was my fault to come barging into his home unexpectedly. Taking a careful glance around, the house was actually clean. You would think that there would be piles of trash laying around or clothes. I thought there would be a dirty sink full of unwashed dishes and maybe a retching smell too, but it was the same as it was when Mi-Chan was alive.

"Actually..." I started again, "a couple of guys were talking about you and I couldn't let them degrade you the way they did."

This time, there was a slight movement that I caught from Sougo. Is he listening to me now?

"I got mad because they made fun of you and disrespected Mi-Chan. Yeah, I acted out of line and physically hurt someone but it felt distasteful to just let it go. You both don't deserve that kind of negativity."

The void of quietness crept in once more and I just sat there. Every now and then I would glance up but Sougo wasn't looking my way once.

"Gin-Chan decided it was best for me to take a day off from school. Those guys were also punished but because I was the one who engaged in violence, I was the only one suspended." I continued to explain. "But I don't regret it."

This time when I looked up again to search for Sougo's expression, I was able to make eye contact. The exhaustion in his eyes made him look so vulnerable. It was the first time I ever seen him so lost, broken, and just depressed.

But despite all of it, I was surprised to hear his first words after letting me in.

"Thank you." He said.

"I-it's not a problem." I waved my hands, "they deserved it anyway. I did him good with my trusty right hand. You should of seen it!" I giggled with triumph and immediately pulled myself back when I realized I was being too excited.

But I was wrong.
Sougo's lips slowly parted and fell into a genuine smile. To see him finally act beyond his current state relieved me and my heart suddenly skipped a beat. I want to continue to see him smile again, tease me for being short and making fun of how much I ate. It's too much to ask of him now, I get it.

To overcome such dark emotions is difficult and painful, it's a journey, a long one that takes time to heal from.

In that moment, I began to understand my own feelings. Well, maybe just a little bit because I was still confused myself. Is it that I've come to like Sougo? Not in a mutual friendship-way obviously, but at the same time it sounds so cliché when I think about it. My face is burning up.

"We miss you at school." I added, "are you doing okay?"

Sougo lightly kept his soft smile and inched closer to the table to faced me this time. He was still restraining himself but I'm glad he was able to open up.

"It's hurts." He replied, "I'm not sure how I can continue like this. My older sister meant everything to me, she was the only person who didn't leave me."

"Huh?" I was a bit confused by what he said but I felt bad to pry, especially now when this is the most vulnerable I've ever seen him.

I stood up from my seat and slowly made my way over to him. I knelt down carefully and extended my arms around him. This was the only thing I could think of doing to ease him.

"It doesn't matter what people say or what you think about yourself right now. You have every right to feel this way, don't let others tell you to sweep it under the rug. These are your true feelings Sougo so don't ignore them, feel the pain because it's okay to acknowledge that you're feeling shitty and lost.

I could repeat it a thousand times if I could. Sougo deserves the best and losing someone, whether family or friend can ruin anybody. It should not be taken likely and no one should have to go through these tough times alone.

Even though Kamui was there for a short amount of time even Mommy passed, he brushed me and her aside and went on with his life. Maybe it was because I lacked support growing up that I wish it for others.

And before I knew it, Sougo had started crying in my arms when he gradually reached out to hug me back too. The deafening sound of anguish was all too familiar. Without letting go, I tightened my hold around him and patted his back.

For sure, I didn't think he would let me into his heart so easily but I was grateful that he did. It meant that he trusted me and it's the best compliment ever.

Take your time to come back to us Sougo, we'll be waiting for you regardless.