Under the Blue Lights // Jake Kiszka

Under the blue lights

I was devastated when the band broke up.

"What happened?" Cassie asks.

"They followed different paths. The band was Jake's dream, but the guys had different plans and I think Jake couldn't see himself playing with anyone else. I don't blame him, they were magical together, something out of this world."

"And now he works in a car wash." Cassie's tone is plain, I have no idea what she meant by that, but I feel this sting in my stomach, like her words are cutting their way in. She sounds way too much like my mother.

"And what's wrong with that?" I ask, clearly irritated.

"Nothing, Lizzy. Jesus, I'm just saying it's a shame, I mean, he has a gift and a dream, but ended up having to work at a car wash."

"There's no shame in that, Cassie." I shake, my breath gets uneven, I feel heat spreading up my neck to my face and an uncontrollable need to cry.

"I know that, it's not what I'm saying. Take you for instance, you have this amazing talent, but you have to work as a receptionist, because you didn't have the chance of going to college and-"

"This is a hobby." I cut her off, taking the canvas from her hands abruptly. "And I did have the chance to go to college, I chose not to."

"See, I would know that if you told me stuff."

"And I would tell stuff if you weren't so judgemental."

Cassie doesn't say anything immediately, opting for being quiet for a moment, maybe to digest what just happened. I was unfair, I know that, but I let the sound of my feet tapping against the floor be the only one in the room, as I bring the paintings back to my closet.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound judgmental and I certainly didn't mean to shame you or Jake. It was a poor choice of words."

I shut my eyes for a second, facing the closet, back turned to Cassie. I know what she meant, but the fact my mother had shamed Jake before and the mention of college made my blood boil inside my veins. I was taken back in time once again, but not to a happy place. I should have controlled myself, it's not Cassie's fault, she doesn't even know anything about my family or why I moved away from home; and that much is my fault. But still, I'm not prepared to talk about that, not yet.

"I'm sorry, Cassie. I misinterpreted your words and I overreacted." I mean it when I say it, but I know my was anything but convincing.

Still facing the closet, I feel a pair of arms wrapping around my waist and suddenly Cassie's chest is flushed against my back, her cheek resting on my shoulder. I feel the butterflies, a shiver spreading through my body, then I turn around and brush a strand of dark hair behind her ear, taking in the innocence in her features, feeling shitty for talking to her the way I did. A lone tear runs down my face and it's her delicate, smooth finger that wipes it away, comforting me for being harsh on her.

-

Despite knowing she didn't mean to shame me or Jake, despite knowing I misinterpreted her words and despite knowing it all happened because of past situations that none of us have any control over, it still hurt me a little to think about what Cassie had said. We slept together that night and she left first thing in the morning like she always does after sleeping over on a weekday, but there was tension between us then, enough for Jake to sense it even with just a brief moment of interaction. I didn't paint her that night and I haven't seen her in three days.

"Is Cassie coming?" Jake asks as we leave our apartment, making our way through the chilly air to the local pub, as we've done nearly every Saturday for a little more than a year now. He could be asking because I'm back to my usual Joe's outfit or because of the fact I haven't talked about Cassie in days, but no matter the reason, Jake knows me well enough to know something is bothering me.