Haikyu!! Oneshots

Destroy yourself (TsukiHina)

~This is a TsukiHina oneshot about eating disorders. It's also a small rant piece so sorry it's not that good, I just wrote it to get some emotions out when I felt really down and then rewrote it, kind of, so it could be a oneshot. I hope you like it either way.~

I shouldn't have eaten, it made it feel ten times worse. Now my body actually has a reason to throw up, something to get rid of instead of parts of my insides, things I actually need to survive. This little habit of mine was slowly killing me from the inside out and boy did I love it. At least, that's how it was until I ate again. Why did I do that? Silly old me, undoing all the progress I've made over the past month or two. Wait no, it can't have been that long, I'd be dead, but it certainly feels like it's been that long. My body has been starving for so long, the seconds feel like hours now, even days. But it'll be worth it in the end. I'll either fail or die skinny, the one thing I've always wanted to be.

I've heard it about a hundred times, short people can't be fat unless they want to look like a potato. Well I don't want to be a potato anymore! I've been a fat ass for so long, all I want is to change and destroying myself is the only way I know how to do it. I know I shouldn't be doing this to my body but it has to be done. And, oh boy, once you've started it's addicting. I can't stop now, starving myself is like a drug. It's my crack.

Part of me wants to get help. Part of me wants to tell someone; I need to tell someone. Because, if this doesn't kill me, it'll just mess me up for life. But what if I tell someone, who I really trust, and they don't accept me? What if they hate me for it? They'd definitely hate me for my reasoning, it's the most pathetic reasoning ever!

Pathetic, huh? I swear I've been called that at least ten times today and that was just morning practice. It seems to be his favourite world to describe me, that along with shrimpy. It's crazy that I'm doing all of this for him. Tsukishima Kei, the guy who couldn't hate me more if he tried. Of all the people, I just had to fall for him, didn't I. Why can't I just hate him like everybody else? Something about that smirk just draws me in. It's enticing, just like his eyes. Oh god, don't get me started on his eyes. Everything about him is so perfect, at least it is to me. In that sense, we're complete opposites but people have always told me that opposites attract.

So, by that logic, I should keep on destroying myself. I want to end up as his broken little opposite. Maybe that way I'd have a chance with him. Because he'd never love me the way I am now. I have to try even harder to be perfect for him! I will be perfect for him, even if I destroy myself in the process.