The Bet || l.h.

- 35 -

My phone vibrates, showing three missed calls from Calum. I curse under my breath as I accept his incoming call.

"Luke?!" he shouts before I have a chance to say anything. "Where the hell are you?"

"Cal, I'm sorry, I know I fucked up," I say, dragging a hand down my face. "But I'm ok."

It's only half a lie. I can feel the alcohol racing through my system, scattering my thoughts. But I've had so much to drink over the past two years that I can operate with the buzz vibrating through my body, dulling my pain.

"Where are you?" Calum demands again.

I bite my lip, glancing over my shoulder out the window at the silent graveyard. 

"It doesn't matter," I mumble.

"Look," I add, raising my voice, "I'm going home. I-I need to talk to my family."

If he doesn't believe me, he doesn't call me out on it.

"Call me if you need anything," Calum says at last. "Anything at all, any time."

I nod even though I know he can't see me. "I will."

Swallowing hard, I choke out, "And Calum?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"I-I love you."

I can hear the smile in his voice as he replies, "I love you too, mate. Call me later?"

"Yeah," I croak, hearing the click of him hanging up.

I wonder if he heard the lie in my voice.

I could drink all of the alcohol in the world, hit all the hard drugs, but it wouldn't be enough to erase the memories running through my brain. It wouldn't be enough to fix the mess I've made, enough to dull the pain that won't leave me alone.

Jamming my keys into the ignition, my car finally sputters to life. My head clears as I drive along the familiar roads, muscle memory taking over once again.

I'm so tired of hurting those closest to me, ruining their lives in an attempt to drag them down to my level. Is it really worth keeping them close just so I'm not alone in my misery?

They deserve better. A better friend, boyfriend, son, brother. Someone they can be proud of. Someone they can trust.

And I'll never be that person.

I throw my car into park as I rush up the steps to my house, fumbling with my key. It's like I can feel the demons closing in on me, ready to attack. 

The door swings open mercifully and I fall in, stumbling up the stairs.The house is empty just like I knew it'd be, with Mom at work and Jack at his classes at the community college. 

What would they think if they could see me now, drunk and desperately running down the hallway, all my old drugs that ruined my life clutched tightly in my hand?

There goes Luke, fucking everything up again. Why can't he just be normal? A good boy that does his work and makes something out of himself?

I've been asking myself the same question for the last two years.

Grace's bedroom lies untouched at the end of the hallway, all of her old things still in their rightful place. Mom couldn't bring herself to clean out the room, so instead it has become a sort of shrine, a way to remember her.

I sit down in front of her bed, leaning against it. My gaze lands on the bag of drugs still clenched in my hand. They invite me back to their blissful release, whispering that they can make all of the things tearing me up inside disappear. They can make me happy.

But how can I be happy when everyone else around me isn't? Why do I deserve that instead of them?

I just want to forget what I've done, the mistakes I can never truly escape. And there's only one way to do that.

I stare up at the ceiling, letting the tears fall down my cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as everything fades to black.

A/N:

This is the flashback explaining what happened the night Luke overdosed... 😭

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- A