Trying to Forget You

Chapter 11: I'm broken...help!

I over-hear down the hallway, a doctor talking to a patient. 

"Her recovery, Mr. Jones, is one of the most successful I have ever seen! She had a great attitude, a strong will, she was just radiant!"

That word echoed down the hall, blasting into my ears. I held my ears, and felt moisture rise to my eyes again. Then, guilt. So much guilt. 

My radiant girl, is dead. Because of me. All because of me. If I wouldn't have made her run away with me, Jake wouldn't have called her and he wouldnt't have come over and made her get into that car and get into that stupid accident. 

And it makes me feel just worthless. I no longer care about other women, or my reputation or even anyone else right now. Let them see me cry, I am done caring about what other people think. My pride and stupidity got me here, it killed Noelle and now it's slowly killing me. 

I hear footsteps stop beside my leg, making me slowly look over to my left. Through misty eyes, I see my mother stand above me. Her lips are turned down into a frown, her hair put up into a messy bun. She is still in her night shirt and some jeans, along with some flip flops. I look up at her, and feel like I am a young child again. 

My manly pride seems to escape because I feel my lower lip tremble and I mumble, 

"Mom."

Tears well up in her eyes as she takes in my broken form. 

"Baby..." she whispers, sitting down beside me. 

I try to hold it in, I hate people seeing me cry. But right now, I just want comfort. I just need someone to glue me back together again.

She lays my head on her shoulder and let's me silently cry and sniffle into her shirt. She hushes me and rubs my back like comforting a small child.

"It's okay Noah. It's going to be okay, I promise." she repeats over and over again, and I begin to think that it's for her to be reassured and not myself.

I eventually lift my head up and clinch my fist, anger now replacing my sad heart. I stand up and I start to run off, but don't get far before my mother grabs my wrist and stops me.

"Noah, honey, stop." she shouts worriedly.   

"Mom! Let me go! Please, I just want to be alone now, okay?" I snap, pulling my hand away. I turn away and take off the same direction as Ella ran after she hugged me. 

Ella. 

I bet she feels the same as I do huh? Broken...again. I don't know how much more we can take, a heart can only hold so much. 

I run down the stairs and through the lobby and end up running to a brick wall on the side of the hospital. I slide down, my back scraping against the dark red wall. I lean down and curl my legs close to my chest and take out a cigarette. 

I don't smoke that often, but today would be an exception. I light the cigarette and breathe in the soothing smoke, my tears slowing down and my thoughts clearing. 

I lean my head back, closing my eyes and letting one stray tear fall. And I swear to myself, this will be the last one. My mother always told me that if you cry, you cry with everything you have and then you never cry about that thing again. 

"What are you doing?" I hear a female voice mumble from beside me. 

I open my eyes and look up to find Ella's dark figure looking down at me, though it's too dark to see any of her emotions. I look back down and shrug, inhaling another puff of smoke. 

She slides down next to me as I take another puff of smoke, releasing it through my nostrils. 

"It sucks." she whispers, sniffing back tears. 

 I nod, "Yes, it freaking sucks."

There are another few moments of silence before she asks, 

"Tell me, what are you feeling?"

"I am not feeling anything. I feel numb. I want comfort, but I don't. I want to be alone, but I want someone to yell at. I want to cry, but I don't want anybody to see." I answer, holding the cigarette between two fingers. 

"What about you?" I ask, closing my eyes and leaning back. It's quiet for a while, so quiet that I think she won't ever answer. 

"My entire body hurts, with every beat of my heart. It's as if the shard remains of my heart are being pushed through my veins, cutting me from the inside. I know what you are thinking, that I am supposed to be crying right now and sobbing. But, I don't think it's hit me yet. I am denying it, because I don't want to be true." she finally answers, her voice soon fading into a whisper. 

I look over at her and I breathe out more smoke. 

"Go ahead and cry. Cry with everything you have, but don't you dare let anybody see you, ever. Cry with every ounce of you're broken heart and scream louder than you ever had before. But whatever you do, don't keep it in and don't stop, not until you have absolutely nothing left."

"Noah, I don't have anything left." she whispers, beginning to cry. 

"Get out of here Ella, leave me alone and you go and cry. Don't let me see you, don't let you're mother see you and don't let people see you." I snap, lighting another cigarette. "Now, leave."

And I guess it finally hits her, because I hear her get up, her shoes slide against the gravel. And she runs off, the sound of flying gravel echos in my ears. 

I look up at the sky, at the dark black clouds hiding the shining stars and that's when I feel a rain drop land lightly on my arm. 

I chuckle, not a happy chuckle, but utter disbelief. 

"Of course." I scoff. 

I sit there smoking until the rain starts to pour, killing my cigarette. I lay there against the wall, my feet soaking wet. 

I watch it rain. Pouring slow and then faster, thunder rumbling a few miles away. I eventually stare up at the dark sky, rain escaping from the darkness and stand up. 

I walk out into the dark and let the rain rip at my face. 

"Come on!" I yell, raising my hands up. 

The rain starts to pour harder. 

"Come on!" I scream louder, "Give me all you have! I have nothing left, you left me with nothing! You took her away from me!" 

I stand there, rain soaking me from head to toe, and I yell again. 

"I loved her! You took her away from me! Why? Why did you take her away from me?" I scream again. 

I slide down onto my knees and hold my hanging head, and I cry. I cry harder than I ever have in my whole life, though I swore I wouldn't. And I don't stop; not until a pink and orange sunrise peeks over the hill next to me and a rainbow appears over my sobbing figure. When I do stop, I look up, wipe my wet cheeks, watch the sunrise then light another cigarette. 

Here is yet another update! Another coming soon, promise! Please add this to you're reading list for more updates and remember to Vote/Follow/Comment/Recommend, whatever :) Thank you all for you're support, I cannot wait to continue this story. 

Much love, 

FreshFictionFan