Just Like You: Tested and True

Just Like You: Tested and True-Part Thirteen

                                                                                    Ayla Bowen

Micheal was standing close enough behind me that I could hear him breathing. The man standing at the head of my father's casket started talking about how good of a father he was and went on to talk about his military and overall greatness. I blocked out what he was saying; I already knew how great of a man my father was. I didn't need some colonel to tell me. 

I stared blankly at the casket resting just above the ground it would soon enter. I was numb. My chest ached, and even though it was about 85 degrees out, I was freezing. I held my mother's hand limply while I squeezed all the blood out of Auto's.

I slowly looked around at all the people in front and to the sides of me. I couldn't even see an end to this sea of people. None of you knew him. I thought, glaring now. None of you ever will.

I slowly released my death grip on Auto and slid my arm through his. My mother did the same to me a few seconds later and I took a long glance at her. Her eyes were dark, the make-up smearing around them, making it look like she got punched in the face a couple times. Tears were rolling down her face in a steady stream, her lip and chin quivering. Next I glanced at Auto; an almost spitting image of my father when he was younger. And alive. We both had his blond hair and hazel eyes. Auto had our father's stature, while I was more built like my mother. Looking at us, one could definitely tell we're siblings-but not identical twins.

A jerk of the casket pulled me from my thoughts and I jumped a little. Auto squeezed my arm and looked at me with his eyebrows drawn. I ignored him as I watched my father's casket being lowered into the ground. My mother suddenly dropped my arm as she stepped forward and was handed a shovel. I watched intently as she threw a shovel of dirt onto the casket, crying her eyes out and making ugly sobbing sounds. She returned to my side and I took her hand willingly.

Auto stepped up next, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He threw a big heap of dirt down, and stared at it long enough that the air became slightly awkward. I didn't know what he was thinking, but no one moved to take the shovel from him. He slowly turned around and walked to me, holding out the shovel. We made intense eye contact for a few seconds before he mouthed 'take it'. I slowly placed my hands just below where his were and braced myself. I slowly walked up to the pile of dirt and looked down at my father. 

My father. Reagan John Bowen. 

I quickly thew dirt down into the hole and turned around, holding out the shovel like it was on fire. Someone walked in front of me and took the shovel out of my hands and guided me back to Auto and my mother. A man started talking again, dragging me out of the daze I was in. I made eye contact with my mother as she held out her arms, and I threw myself into her embrace. I was embarrassed by the choking noise I made, but my mother sounded just as ridiculous as I did. Auto was chewing on his lower lip with his arm wrapped around our mother's shoulders. 

People started clearing out and I watched as Conner, Jaycee, and Micheal made their way over to stand under a tree. Auto and I sat and watched as people buried our father, and our mother accepted hugs and cards from anyone who cared to give one.

The numbness was starting to fade, making the ache in my chest even more noticeable. I jumped when Auto let out a scream, pounding his fists into the ground. I looked at him sharply, then around us as everyone stared. I crawled over to him, wrapping my arms around him. He ran his hands through his hair over and over again, so beyond the point of crying. 

I sat there holding him as he screamed again, and we both crumbled to the ground. I was crying non-stop and my mother stood silently across from us, staring at the white cross. 

I never want to see my family like this again.