Why Can't You Love Me? || Timothée Chalamet

Chapter 19

My lips twitched a little as I shook my head. "I can understand that."

He pursed his lips with narrowed eyes, his laughter dying down. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. "I just don't talk about personal stuff with many people, so I guess she was surprised I had already told you something that sits so close to me since we have only known each other for two months," I explained.

His face visibly relaxed at my words. "I'm glad you feel like you can trust me, it means a lot. I just wish you would tell me everything that concerns you," he muttered, biting his bottom lip.

He honestly had no idea how much I wanted us to depend on each other, so talking about personal stuff with him was no big deal for me at all. Everything was easy to talk about with him anyway. However, when it came to my feelings for him, I couldn't talk to him. It wouldn't have been difficult for me, but I didn't want to ruin anything.

"Some things are just better if they stayed unspoken," was the only thing I said, forcing a smile on my face.

He let out a sigh, running his hand through his curls. "If you say so..." He trailed off, getting up from the bed. "I think I'd better head to bed now. It's getting late. See you tomorrow, Julie."

I nodded my head. "I guess so. Goodnight, Timmy."

With that said, he left the room, flashing me a small smile before shutting the door behind him. I let out a deep sigh once he was gone, turning around to groan loudly into my pillow. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to disappear and never come back again. This was absolute torture.

Why did I have to feel this way about him?

-

When I woke up the next day, I was happy it was Saturday because I didn't know if I would have been able to go to work if I needed to. It felt like I had been fighting some sickness and was in the stage of recovering from it. My body didn't want to move even if my brain me to do so. I had cried myself to sleep last night, which was probably the reason I felt like this today.

With a loud groan, I rolled to the side of the bed and swung my legs over the side. The second I was positive I wouldn't fall while standing up, I walked over to my wardrobe to change into a pair of black sweats and my light pink hoodie. I didn't bother brushing my hair or doing anything else with my appearance before walking downstairs. Everyone had seen me at my worst state before anyway.

All three of the other people living in the house were already in the kitchen when I arrived there. Mom and Nicole were sitting at the table while Timmy was at the stove frying an egg. They all looked up when I entered the room.

"Morning, Julie," they greeted in unison, mom's gaze lingering on me.

Her eyes narrowed slightly, and I knew that was because she could tell that I had been crying the night before. The second she registered that something wasn't right, a concerned look took over her features, but she didn't say anything. I assumed that was because Timmy and Nicole were in the room too.

"Did you sleep well?" Nicole wondered, flashing me a smile.

Actually, I had been sleeping well considering the consequences. After crying, I had been out like a light and slept the entire night until I had woken up this morning. I assumed I was exhausted after everything that happened yesterday evening.

"Yeah, I did. You?" I wondered, returning her smile the best I could.

"I can't complain," she replied.

"You want a fried egg, Jules?" Timmy asked from where he was standing at the stove.

I looked over at him. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

He gave me a thumbs-up before going back to his cooking. Meanwhile, I sat down beside mom, placed my arms against the surface of the table and rested my head against them. Mom reached out to run a hand through my tousled hair.

"Mom, you're only making it worse than it already is," I whined, making her chuckle slightly. She didn't pull the hand away, though.

Five minutes later, Timmy was handing me a plate with a buttered toast and a fried egg on it. I sat up in my seat while looking up at him in surprise. "I never said I wanted toast."

He winked at me. "I knew you wanted one anyway," he said before sitting down in front of me with his own plate.

I only gaped at him. Was he a mind reader or had he picked up that about me as well, just like he had picked up other stuff about me? For example, the fact that I loved watching movies. I should probably be more careful with my feelings around him if I didn't want him to find out about that too.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you act like a married couple," Nicole chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

My eyes widened at her words, and I almost choked on my own saliva. Did she just say that? Looking over at Timmy, I could see that he was biting his lip while looking down at his plate. None of us commented on what she said, and I presumed it was best that way.

When we had finished eating breakfast, I was about to go up to my room again when mom stopped me in the staircase. "Can I talk to you, Jules?" She wondered.

I swallowed hard before nodding my head. "Yeah, sure."

We walked into my room so we could be alone. I shut the door behind us before we both sat down on either side of the bed. "What's on your mind?" I asked even though I knew she probably wanted to ask me about a ton of things.

"I assume Timmy already talked to you about your dad?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, we are quite open about that topic since we both have complications with our dads," I explained.

"I see," she smiled. "I'm happy you have someone like him that you can talk to when you need it."

We didn't say anything for another thirty seconds until mom opened her mouth again. "You really like him, don't you?"

I looked down at my lap, biting my bottom lip before looking back up at her. "I... Yeah, I do," I told her truthfully.

She flashed me a genuine smile, reaching out to squeeze my knee lightly. "It's alright, Jules. You're allowed to have feelings, you know?"

I forced a smile on my face. "Am I though? I mean, he's clearly in love with someone else. Am I really allowed to have feelings for him then?" I sighed.

"Of course you are, love. You should never be ashamed of your feelings. Maybe the right thing to do is not always to act on them, but you should never put yourself down because of it."

Pouting my lips, I leaned back against the headboard. "Why do things have to be like this? Why couldn't I just fall for someone that isn't already taken?"

She flashed me an encouraging smile. "It's not written in stone that Timmy is the only man you'll fall for, sweetheart. I'm sure there's someone else out there who's waiting to steal your heart."

Closing my eyes, I ran a hand through my tousled hair. "But I don't want anyone else to take it, mom. I can't imagine having feelings for anyone else right now," I muttered.

"That is because you haven't found anyone else yet. I'm sure everything is going to fall into place, sweetheart. You'll just have to wait for a little while."

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess so," I trailed off, averting my gaze.

She gave my knee another light squeeze. "Hey, look at me."

I did as she said.

"It's going to be alright, Julie. I know it will."

-

What a sad chapter this turned out to be. I hope you liked it, though!

Thoughts on Julie's situation? What do you think she should do?

BTW, DON'T FORGET TO VOTE IF YOU LIKE THE STORY! It would mean so much to me because then I know you really like it <3

Pauline .xx