Utopia

Part 11

Sorry! I know I haven't updated in a while and to be honest I don't know when I will next get another chance. Life for me is pretty hectic at the moment with five A-Levels and two jobs on the go I barely have time to breathe let alone write. I'm trying my hardest so bare with me and I hope you like this next part .xxx

Paige.XOXO

11.

   I don’t sleep.

   I suppose it isn’t that surprising really, even if I could force myself to rest after today it isn’t like I have somewhere to stay. Kai offered to let me rest at his house but that just felt weird. It made me think of earlier when I thought he might kiss me… Sleeping near him seemed far too intimate.

   For a while I considered heading back to find Diina or even Sim but I couldn’t bring myself to face them, not after what they’d said earlier. What must they think of me? What if they knew that I worked in the Lab? That I could have been helping to certify their execution? Call it cowardice but a sleepless night seemed better than facing that.

   I sit in the camp circle, tracing patterns in the ash at my feet from fires long ago burned out. Even in these early hours of morning there is noise. Tweeting and clicking and scuffling from the surrounding woodland. The din settles around me like a soft blanket; it’s impossible to feel alone when immersed in noise.

   Of course I’m not really alone. I pleaded with Kai to go home and get some sleep but he was stubbornly clutching onto his hero complex, not wanting to leave me on my own. Eventually I forced him away but I know he’s been watching me from his window since I claimed my place in the circle. He thinks I haven’t noticed but I can feel his worried gaze burning into my shoulder blades. It isn’t an altogether unpleasant feeling.

   For the first time I watch the sunrise. Soft rosy pinks streak languorously across the sky and rich golds shine a pathway to heaven. A fireball of sun ascends above the treeline and it’s painfully, almost unbearably, beautiful. There is a damp patch spreading over my trousers and I realise with a start that I’m crying. This is what I’m here for: this freedom; this beauty. Everything else is worth it.  

    “There you are!” Someone calls from across the circle in exasperation. I quickly swipe at my tears and take a shuddering breath, trying to pull myself together.

   They step closer until I can finally see her face: Vixen.

   I feel a stab of guilt at having forgotten her. She’s one of the reason’s I’m here after all. Feebly, I wave up at her and she stomps her way over.

   “What are you doing here?” She demands, an accusation.

   “Oh, hello to you too,” I utter sardonically. She continues to glare.

   “Well?”

   “On part I came here to help you,” I tell her calmly though I’m more than a little confused. What happened to the snivelling little girl huddled in the Lab, scared out of her wits about being Drafted?

   “I didn’t ask for your help,” she snaps.

   “No you didn’t ask,” I say, staggering to my feet so that we’re level. “Actually, as I remember it you couldn’t ask anything because you were unconscious.”

   “You aren’t meant to be here,” she hisses and I step back. Jeez what is her problem?

   “Look around Vixen,” I tell her mockingly, gesturing wildly with my hands. “Neither of us is meant to be here. No Fielder is meant to be here.” The words taste bitter on my tongue, the sour truth. Just look how I spent my first night Outside, sitting cold and restless by a deserted fire. I don’t have a place here and it’s only a matter of time before they realise that too.