Life as i Didn't Know it

Chapter 32

Not everyone gets everything they want and some things just aren’t meant to be. I guess I just have to accept my fate for what it is. It’s not the end of my life, just a new beginning.

“Marissa” I heard my name being called by a gruff voice, my back went rigid as I knew it was the alpha.

“Yea alpha?” I kept my voice plan and rid of emotion. I hated this man, I will never forget what he caused.

“I hope you have a safe trip. And trust me this will be good for you. It’s something different and when you get back then you and Zane can be together” he tried to say softly. I laughed humorlessly and turned to face him.

“Call it whatever you want but this is not something I want. And I will not be coming back to your son. I won’t be leading alongside him, that will be another girl. So I hope you’re happy” I spat at him then walked away. I just couldn’t find it in me to be respectful of him.

This was probably the hardest part of life that I’ve had to go through so far and if I can make it through these next two years then I will be ok. I won’t give up on myself and run from all my problems because it’s just not the type of girl I am.

I sat down on a couch in an empty room and stared at the wall. I was lost in my thoughts and I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to be by myself for the next hour and a half. For the last half an hour before I leave I will then say goodbye to all that I had. And that was exactly what I did. I sat in that room for another hour and a half by myself.

I sighed as the clock ticked by, each second passing brought me closer to my depart. I stood up and walked out of the room, by now all the tears were gone and my face was blank. I walked around to find my brother. He was someone who had nothing to do with any of this and he tried to be there for me before. He only tried to help but even that wasn’t enough.

“Thank you for everything Derek, I'm going to miss you.” I said to him as I hugged him.

“I'm going to miss you too sis, you don’t know how much I wish u could stop this from happening” He soothed into my ear.

“I know but it’s not our choice. It’s something that I just have to face” I broke apart from him and gave him one last final wave before walking out of his room. Next I needed to find Kyle and Sean, they were a big part in picking me back up when I fell from rejection.

I went over to Sean first and gave him a hug. “I hope you’re going to be happy here and thank you for being a friend to me from the first day. you don’t know how much it helped to finally have someone there beside me” Sean was the first good thing that happened to me after I got rejected. He helped show me that there were people that cared about me, and he showed me a friendship.

“I wish I could still be there for you. But I'm still going to be here when you get back. so be strong Marissa don’t give up” He said before letting me go. I walked over to Kyle with a sad smile on my face. He was the only one who knew the truth in everything that had happened. I confined to him and he helped me get through it all, he had his reasons for keeping what he did from me and I respect him for that.

 “Your one of the people who I'm going to miss the most, you became a brother to me Kyle and I respect you in every way. I know this wasn’t something you had a say in so don’t worry about it. You’ve been there for me when I needed you and you knew the truth without judging me. You’ve been everything I needed to get through the last couple of months Kyle and I'm going to miss you so much” I felt tears coming back to my eyes, but not for anyone or anything else other than him. Kyle became my best friend throughout the last couple months. I could feel his wet tears sliding down his cheek too.

“I'm so sorry Marissa, I'm so sorry that I couldn’t have done anything to help you. You’re taking the punishment for all of us. I'm going to miss you so much, and no you’ve been everything yourself. You’re a strong person and nothing can bring you down. so don’t give up and I’ll be visiting every chance that I get. Goodbye” I left him with tears running down both of our faces. I touched the lightning pendant around my neck that he had given me with the words ‘Be strong’ engraved on the back. Kyle believe I could do it so why couldn’t i?

 Well that was it. That was everyone I mainly had to say goodbye too. My mom would be driving me to the airport and would be staying there with me for a little while. As I looked down at my watch I noticed that it was time to leave anyway.

I slowly walked down the stairs to where my mom was standing at the door as if she was waiting for me. I gave her a small smile as I walked down towards her.

“All your bags are already in the car, we can get going now If you want” She offered and I nodded.

“Let me just go and get a bottle of water for the ride, my throat is kind of dry. I’ll meet you in the car” I said to her. She nodded and walked out of the door and I walked towards the kitchen.

Zane’s POV

I held her birthday present in my hands, it was something that I never got to give her. But I wanted her to leave with it today. I saw her coming towards the kitchen and couldn’t help but feel that now would be the only chance I would get.

“Marissa” I said softly. Her head turned in my direction, I caught the glimpse of pain in her eyes as she saw me, which only made me feel even worse.

“I never got a chance to give this too you, it was your birthday present, you can open it when I'm not around I guess” I shrugged and held it out to her.

“It’s ok Zane, my birthday is over and you don’t owe me anything” She said sadly.

“Please just take it, think of it as one last parting gift” I took a step towards her. She didn’t move back, at least that was a good sign. As much as I didn’t want to lose her right now I knew I would have to let her go.

But what she’s saying won’t happen, I'm not going to find another girl, I'm not going to make her my alpha female, and I'm not going to forget about Marissa. I'm going to wait for her to come back to me and I'm going to make her fall in love with me that time around. I may have messed up but I won’t give up.

“Ok, thank you” she said softly as she looked down and took the gift from my hands. It was in a small box, wrapped carefully.

I leaned closer to her, out lips were almost brushing now, but yet again she did not move back. “Goodbye Marissa” I whispered with my eyes still locked with hers. I felt tears coming close to my eyes as I closed the final distance between us and kissed her with everything I had. She kissed me back with just as much passion and hurt, I tasted both of our tears mixed into the kiss. This was our goodbye kiss, a farewell. For now.

She pulled away from me and simply looked into my eyes. Both of us had tears running down our faces, as we both thought of what could have been. So much could have been different, but here we are now both wanting each other but forced to stay apart. In one movement she turned her back to me and walked out of the kitchen. I heard the front door close softly and I knew she was gone.

I collapsed onto the floor and hugged my knees to my chest. In and out of this all it all started with me. I brought this upon myself and I have one person to blame. Me.