Remembering you

Chapter 3

"You know how much I love you right?"

Without warnings, our love went up like faint trails of smoke caressed by the chilly sea breeze as tonight's full moon intensified that all too familiar tormenting pang in my now shattered heart.

If you ever loved me, then why make me hope we could ever be?

"I never knew true happiness till I met you."

As such words you have etched into my once beating heart, how can you expect me to not live such an inconsolable existence not knowing your whereabouts nor about your well being?

If that were true, then do you willingly choose to suffer alone than exist happily with me?

"After everything she put me through, why do I still have that with me?" As I stared at the paper bag that holds the physical manifestations of my love for that woman that stole my heart like a rogue thief at the dead of night.

As I rummaged through the bag that contained my shattered hopes, "It's unfair how she can discard me like this. Three months of searching high and low for someone who doesn't want to be found. Why am I allowing myself to be tortured like this? If she can get rid of me so easily, two can play that game."

But I knew I just couldn't part ways with the black envelope, the handwritten letter and the tall black box with the silver ribbon. "Even after everything, why do I still love you? Why can't I let you go? Give me back my heart, damn it. Please..." A trail of tears trickled down my cheeks as I clutched my pendant and the black envelope close to my chest.

"I've always dreamed of having a family like this. I wonder, would I ever be given a chance?"

You are and will always be the only one I want to build a happy family life with but you threw that all away the moment you vanished into thin air, leaving me broken, confused and devastated in that night that could have sealed our fate.

"I can't take this anymore.! Three months without you is torture enough! It must be a clear sign that you never loved me in the first place. That you were merely playing with my heart like a cat playing with its mouse. And like a moth to a flame, I've been burned and died each day knowing the love of my life chose not to be with me at all. Either that or for who knows what reasons you had to just go up and leave me so desperate for your love, not knowing if that love was ever true at all." As I determinedly picked up the bag of forlorn and shattered dreams to toss them out of my life for good.

"What are we gonna give to K.C. tomorrow?! We should've bought something while we were in Seoul!" Chanyeol shouted in frustration.

"Relax Chanyeol, we'll come up with something. If only D.O. or Chen were here, they'd know what to cook or give to a girl." Suho placed a comforting hand on Chanyeol's shoulder.

"Yup, we're doomed. Other than those two, we have no one to ask for advice on what to give a girl. If only we had someone with a sister for a sibling that we can ask what a girl would like... wait, let's ask Kai!" Sehun sounded proud of his bright idea. Such remarks had Chanyeol give an annoyed look and pointed at himself.

"We can't ask him about anything related to girls. You know that-" Baekhyun shut himself up the second he saw me walk down the stairs.

"Know what?" I asked with a raised brow.

"NOTHING! We were just discussing what to give to our neighbor next door." Suho jokingly slapped Baekhyun's arm to shut him up.

"Mrs. Woo, the landlady, said that she's a bookworm, to be specific, she's into poetry." Lay explained.

"Don't forget she loves animals as she said it was a tie between two animals. I forgot to ask which ones." Xiumin said while making cute animal faces.

"Lastly, Mrs. Woo said that there's one gift any girl would live to have but won't admit. Which is totally confusing the heck out of us for hours. What did she even mean by that??" Chanyeol messed his hair up in perplexed confusion.

As I heard their description of K.C., the all too familiar pang started hurting my heart yet again. No, even in Jeju, I can't escape you?

"Here, give these to her tomorrow." As I have given away the bag of my forsaken feelings to Sehun for some total stranger.

"If she is what I think you guys describe her as, then she would gladly accept those gifts with open arms." I said, bidding my last goodbye to my manifested love.

"Hey Kai, where are you going?" Suho curiously asked.

"I need some fresh air. I'll just go out for a run." I said as I laced up my shoelace and zipped up my jacket.

"Okay. take care. Don't stress about things too much. You'll get frown lines too early on in your life." Sehun said as he patted me on the shoulder.

I looked at them for the last time before I waved them goodbye.