Light in the dark

FOURTEEN

The next day I felt all sorts of emotions simultanously.

First of all, I knew I needed to talk to Haldir. I had hurt him, and even though I only saw him as my friend, I actually felt bad for not feeling something more. The fact that he had been there for me all the time only made me feel worse.

Second, I needed to sort out my feelings for the King. Yesterday had left me completely confused; not only his change towards me, also the way he made me feel. I had never felt anything like that before he had kissed me, but this was the King. How did I know what was real, both from myself and from him?

The first problem wasn't going to be solved that day, as Haldir was nowhere to be found. I didn't run into him in the halls, and he wasn't in his room either.

I was another step closer to figuring out my feelings for the King however. Two days later, I got a message from a guard who would take me to Thranduils room on his command.

It was the same room as last time, and I figured it must be his private room. He was standing in the middle of the room, waiting. He smiled when he saw me.

"Roan," he said, "I've been waiting for you."

I tried to smile, but judging from his expression, I could see I had failed.

"Something's bothering you," he said, placing a hand on my arm.

I sighed, and decided it was best to be honest with him. "My King, I... I don't know about all this. I'm a mere human, and you are... well, a king," I said.

He knelt down in front of me, making me feel small again. "I don't want you to worry about that, little one," he said. "I want to be with you. Is that not enough?"

I looked down, not wanting to see what was hidden behind those beautiful blue eyes of his. "My King, I..."

"Thranduil," he corrected.

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat as I called the King by his first name. "Thranduil, forgive me, but-"

"How do I make you feel?" he asked, taking me back.

"Wh-what?" I stammered.

His voice became harsh, his eyes cold. "Don't tell me you feel the same way towards Haldir, because I know that you don't." His voice softened again. "I see it in your eyes. I feel it in your heartbeat as it quickens when I touch you." His soft hand stroked my cheek.

"Thranduil, I... I don't know. I know so little about you... and while I'd like to know more..." I trailed off. Even though I had read about him in the books, knowing him in person was entirely different.

"Close your eyes." It sounded like a command.

"Don't hide yourself for me. Don't hide from me like you're hiding for some dragon fire." The moment the words had left my mouth I knew I had gone too far.

He seemed to restrain himself, and I told myself I was very lucky he didn't pull his sword from beneath his clothing.

"Do not talk to me about dragon fire," he hissed. "I know its wrath and ruin."

The next moment he grimaced in pain, and his face started to change. One side remained the same, flawless and beautiful, but the skin of the other side began to pull away until there was left a gaping wound and his eye had turned completely white.

I softly gasped as he closed his eyes, and I brought a hand up to his face. The side that had changed felt like leather except for the wound that I didn't dare touch. Neither of us spoke for a while.

"What happened?" I whispered, and realized my eyes had filled with tears. Seeing him like this, vulenerable and hurt, pained me. It was a sight I never thought existed; the cold and mighty King of Mirkwood being so vulnerable.

Thranduil opened his eyes again, when his face changed back to its normal state again. "It happened many, many years ago, Roan," he said, his eyes not leaving mine. "The world we once knew was devoured in war. My wife was there, fighting alongside me. I had told her many times not to come, but she was stubborn. Dragons flew over our land, unknown to us at that time. I tried to save her." The crack in his voice made my heart break. "I was too late. The fire of the dragons destroyed everything."

He looked down, but I lifted up his chin with my hand. His blue eyes were so full of sorrow and hurt that I almost couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. To not look at his pained expression anymore, I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against his.

Just like last time, it seemed like fireworks exploded in the background, and my whole body was being ignited by just a single touch. Though it didn't remain a single touch only, as Thranduil brought up his hands. One around my waist to pull me closer, and the other tangled in my hair.

When he pulled away, he whispered: "Stay with me tonight."

"Wh-why?" I blurted out, not hiding my suprise.

"Because I need you tonight," he said. "Please, stay by my side."